“You know, I don’t really care which religion my daughter ends up following. I just want her to be a good person.”
I used to say that. With that tone of someone who had figured it all out, you know?
Well… not anymore.
Why? Because I realized that “being good” doesn’t really mean much. We need to be more specific.
Not that long ago, good people owned slaves
Slaves, man. Slaves…
Think about it: how many “good people” in the 19th century ordered a slave to be whipped and then sat down for dinner with their family, as if they had just disciplined a misbehaving animal?
Even today, around the world, we have people considered “good” defending that women shouldn’t study or marrying off 12-year-old girls to 30-year-old men. Bizarre.
So right from the start, the definition of a “good person” depends heavily on the prevailing beliefs of the society they live in. A polygamist can be considered a good person in one society and a damned heretic in another.
See why I stopped repeating that line from the beginning as if it were some ultimate truth?
And it’s not just about how we affect others’ lives, but our own too
“You know, I believe this life isn’t the one that really matters. It’s the next one that counts.”
I heard this from a coworker a few days ago. He’s a Seventh-day Adventist.
Is he a good person? Absolutely. Great father, competent at work, friendly guy. I like him.
But honestly, I don’t want my daughter believing that kind of thing.
Why? Because it can lead her to not go after what she wants with the intensity of someone who knows this is her one shot — just to start.
So… no, thanks.
Beliefs drive actions, so be careful what you believe
Religions (and not just religions) hand you a package of beliefs and rules.
Don’t kill. Don’t covet your neighbor’s wife. Don’t eat that specific animal.
So far, so good. Makes sense.
The problem is that some of these packages also come with beliefs that can be harmful.
Along with “the next life is the one that matters,” you get things like:
“I was born poor because God wanted me to learn something from it.”
or
“I have this illness because of something bad I did in a past life. Must be.”
Man… no. Just no.
It’s hard to believe someone can truly buy into all that and not end up being more likely to accept injustice, for example.
I’m out.
What I want
I want my daughter to believe we only live once and that this life is the one that counts. Here and now. Not later, in some promised paradise.
I want her to believe that differences in sex or skin color matter about as much as having size 10 or size 12 feet.
I want her to believe that bad things don’t happen because “God wanted it,” but because (if he exists at all) he created a world where randomness rules.
In the end, I’m no longer fighting for my daughter to be a good person.
I’m fighting for her to believe in good things.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Helena Lopes on Unsplash
