Is It Love or Lust? 5 Ways to Tell the Difference

We’ve all been there: the early butterflies that lead to non-stop texts, phone calls that keep you up until 2 a.m., and songs that remind you of that person who’s on your mind constantly. It can feel so intoxicating that you can convince yourself that it’s meant to be. But through it all, one question remains:

Is it love or is it lust?

It can be easy to mistake lust for love. Physical connection and emotional connection can resemble one another in some ways.

Here are five ways to tell the difference between love and lust.

1. Lust is instant. Love takes time.

We all know that explosive, magnetic, “feels like something out of a movie” type of initial attraction. It feels like love at first sight. But when it’s an instant connection where there’s major physical chemistry, it’s just lust.

You might be thinking that you experienced love at first sight and ended up dating the person for years (or stayed together forever). That’s because a “love at first sight” lustful connection can grow into real love over time. Love is built through experiences, conversations, and emotional connection.

Some people ride a long wave of lust because it can last for a long time, too — but it will eventually begin to fizzle out once the instant physical attraction fades away.

2. Lust craves the body. Love desires the soul.

This is often the biggest way to tell love and lust the part. Lust is mostly physical. It draws you to their appearance, to their body, to their kiss, to the touch. Lust craves the body, and it’s based on chemistry and sex.

Although attraction and chemistry play a key role when we love someone, the connection goes far deeper than just physical. We want to know everything about that person, from their past and fears to their dreams and hopes for the future. Love makes us desire their mind and soul. When the lights go off, love cares about more than taking your clothes off.

3. Lust thinks about right now. Love thinks about the long-term.

Lust rarely thinks about the long-term. It thinks about the right here and right now. It thinks about flirting and texting today — not five years from now. Majority of the time, it’s driven by instant gratification.

Love is more centered around commitment and the long-term. It prioritizes patience, security, and stability. It’s about growing together through life’s good times and bad times.

4. Lust avoids deep conversations. Love welcomes them.

When you’re lusting after someone, there’s often no desire to have deep conversations. Instead of talking about deep things, you’ll often keep things light? After all, it makes it easier to skip to the physical stuff.

Love, on the other hand, invites deep and meaningful conversations. These conversations aren’t just welcomed when it’s love — it comes naturally. Love requires more than just physical connection; it welcomes emotional intimacy, too.

5. Lust is about receiving. Love is about giving.

Lust is focused on your desires. It’s all about how the person makes you feel. It’s often about how they excite you or pleasure you. It can also be about validation or an ego boost.

But with love, it’s all about giving: support, time, effort, and sacrifices. It doesn’t only matter what the other person contributes to your life; it’s about what you have to offer them, too.

The Bottom Line

It can be easy to confuse lust with love, but considering these factors can help you differentiate the two. Figuring out the difference early on can help you define a connection. And there’s always that chance that those initial fireworks may grow into something more in time!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.