Is It Time to Change Jobs?

“Can you come to my office?” That was the beginning of the best bad thing that ever happened to me.

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A few moments after my supervisor invited me into his office; I found myself unemployed and staring at an uncertain future. I had a wife and family who looked to me for stability and direction. For the first time in my life, I was adrift.

Similar things happen to men every day. The chances of losing your job are better than you think. According to researchers, almost 60,000 people in the United States are laid off or fired each day. Many of them change jobs because of business closures or downsizing. Whatever the reason, the numbers are significant.

After seven years on the job, I knew it was time to go. However, regular pay, decent benefits, and a nice corner office kept me from making the jump. I was comfortably miserable. At first, I kept my misery under wraps. Eventually, however, my wife began to notice some subtle changes. I spoke harshly about my supervisor, pessimistically about company leadership, and reluctantly about anything positive. I was cynical about the work I did and began talking about entrepreneurial ideas with more passion.

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There were also physical signs of my misery. I started going to work later and leaving earlier. Lunch occupied more time than it ever did and I viewed my vacation time like therapy. I took days off to escape work. I wasn’t motivated to exercise or eat properly. I gained weight, stared at the television more, and became more lethargic than ever. You might think the day I was terminated was a welcome relief. It was far from that. My income—even if from a terrible job—took care of my wife and kids. That was more important to me than my job.

A man’s work is his calling card. When we meet someone new, we are more likely to talk about our jobs than we are our families. Having to acknowledge myself as being between jobs or unemployed was a blow to my self-esteem. Most men would rather have a job they hate than no job at all.

As I began refocusing my future, I began to identify the warning signs I missed. I didn’t want to make the mistake of overstaying my welcome again. I needed to know how to decide when it is time to look for a new job. I realized that my male pride kept me from dealing with the struggle I faced. Later, I was able to mine the experience for truths that could help others. Here are a few things I learned.

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It’s time to change jobs when…

• You dread going to work each day. You know the routine. It becomes easier to hit the snooze button or get distracted with a household task. If one of the kids is sick, you volunteer to stay home. Let’s be honest, sometimes work isn’t fun. However, you know it when you dread going.
• Your work begins to affect other areas of life. Your wife and family deserve your best, and they will be the first to suffer when work starts to take its toll on you. When you are stressed, you are more likely to respond harshly to the most innocent question. As men, it’s our job to maintain the atmosphere in our homes. Stress can suck the life out of us.
• You feel like people at work no longer value your opinion. I knew this was true about my situation. I was left out of meetings that I once attended and not asked to contribute to decisions. Most employers don’t want to fire you; they’d rather make it so uncomfortable for you that you choose to quit. This was a warning I saw and failed to heed.
• Your income is stagnant, but your responsibilities are increasing. You might feel like you are getting dumped on and you’re probably right. This is another tactic employers use to try to force you to make a decision so they won’t have to.
• You think more about where you’d rather be than where you are. I remember staring out my window at nearby office buildings wondering if people in those buildings enjoyed their work. I envisioned everyone else’s situation as far superior to mine. That just made me more miserable.

In spite of all of the signs, I kept doing what I had always done. Eventually, it caught up with me. Because I wouldn’t make a decision, the decision was made for me. I was stunned, hurt, and angry.

I can’t tell the story without acknowledging what happened later. I landed on my feet and began a process of getting in touch with who I am and how to best align my talents and abilities with income producing activity. I allowed that experience to prepare me to help others through their career crises. I became a better husband, father, and friend. I discovered how to read my emotions without turning in my man card.

Today, I am a career coach and educational consultant helping people avoid getting stuck in unrewarding jobs. I work with people to identify their strengths, uncover their passions, create an action plan, and start moving. I know what to look for now; I just wish someone would have told me years ago.

Now you know.

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Photo: Flickr/ Trey Ratcliff