Is There a Deeper Meaning to Love or Is It Just Hormones?

“I love you, my dear”.

“I love you too”.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? We all love or loved someone.

Love is a beautiful feeling that affects human life in various ways.

But what does it mean exactly?

I often hear that

“Love is impossible to explain”
“Love is something you need to feel”

These only confuse me. Bla-bla-bla.

If you cannot explain it, you don’t understand it.

But I still want to know what love is!

Understanding love will give more meaning to the time you spend with and think about your beloved ones. Is it only a feeling and is there more substance behind it?

Science provides the most precise definition of love. But before we get there, let’s see how music and literature see it.

1. Music says love is suffering

What is love? The guy in this video asks this question repeatedly.

The message is simple.

Love is suffering.

Subconsciously, people like him look for abusive partners in relationships.

This usually comes from a child’s trauma — they likely witnessed one of their parents abuse the other.

This is their only image of a romantic relationship.

Songs often tell of unreturned or tragic love.

2. Literature says love is an emotional swing

The 19th century gave the world great romantic poets and writers — Alexander Pushkin, Victor Hugo, and Charles Dickens.

They describe the emotional ups and downs of a romantic relationship.

You fall in love and have butterflies in your stomach 🦋🦋🦋

But your love is unrequited. Traditions, family, social status, war, etc. may also stand in the way.

“I loved you; and the hopelessness I knew,

The jealousy, the shyness — though in vain –

Made up a love so tender and so true

As may God grant you to be loved again.”

— Alexander Pushkin in “I Loved You”

Isn’t this an emotional swing?

This view of love also depicts daily life in the 19th century when two gentlemen could duel to death because of a woman.

Pushkin died after getting shot by a guy who supposedly insulted his wife. This shit was real.

3. Biology says love is a hormone release

High testosterone levels and concomitant aggressive behavior bring us to the biological side of love.

Love affects hormone levels in the human body. An intense chemical reaction drives our emotional response.

Hormones affect our partner, attachment, and sexual behavior.

The sex hormone testosterone increases our libido. Estrogen does too but to a lesser extent. These are lust hormones that drive our desire for sexual gratification.
Dopamine produces a reward effect when we do things that feel good to us. Attraction is a result of a release of high levels of dopamine. We get energetic and euphoric, sometimes to the point we cannot sleep or eat. This is what “being in love” is.
Attachment is a deciding factor for long-term relationships. While lust and attraction can be short-lived, friendships and romantic connections require deeper intimacy. The “cuddle hormone” oxytocin is crucial here.

Love is a hormone release.

4. Psychology says love is generosity

The definition of love from psychology is the most interesting.

Italian psychologist Antonio Meneghetti explains that

Love is an act of infinite generosity.

The key word is “infinite”. Why?

Because you give your beloved one your entire world. This is unconditional love.

“Love is unconditional: it is neither aroused nor diminished by the other’s value or qualities; it is a spontaneous gift that seeks nothing for the giver.”

— Simon May in “Love: A History”

You give all you can to your beloved ones without expecting anything in return. This has very little to do with emotions and hormones.

Love is a mature individual’s state of mind.

Final thoughts

Love has many definitions. Songs and literature describe the emotional nature of this phenomenon, while biology explains it in terms of hormones.

We tend to judge people by their actions. This is why the definition from psychology is the most precise.

Love is an act, not just a feeling.

Love defines the depth of the connection between two people. It is the deepest interpersonal affection.

It’s important to realize that our perception of love changes with time.

In the Internet age, we tend to redefine love by developing more superficial and false digital attachments.

Love on the Internet is not an act of infinite generosity. This can be a problem, given how much time we spend online.

We need deeper and more genuine connections with the people we love.