Is There Anybody (Whole) Out There?

There’s a passage from Nietzsche’s writing that deeply affected me when I was in college, and it crosses my mind occasionally to this day. I searched for it on the Internet this morning, but since I only remember small snippets, I couldn’t find the correct quote.

Still, the essence of the passage stays with me. Paraphrased, it went something like this:

‘I look out over our so-called ‘civilization,’ and what I see is a vast bloody plain filled with writhing pieces of men and parts of men — but no whole men (or women). I look out over a vast battlefield or butcher-field and see obscene parts and pieces of human beings scattered everywhere: a giant brain here, a huge leering eye there; a vast gaping mouth here, a huge grasping hand there, a giant stomping foot over there.

Everyone is either broken in pieces — shattered — or exists only as a grotesque, one-dimensional caricature of themselves. All hail the giant brain! The tattling, endless busybody! The always-hungry, voracious gourmand! The greedy, grasping hand-that-grabs!

It’s mind-numbing, and it’s everywhere: one small part or human aspect gets blown way, way out of proportion, while everything else shrivels away.

‘One-sided’ doesn’t even begin to tell the story. For in all of that depraved, horrific wasteland, where are the real human beings? Where are the whole ones, the integrated ones, the beautiful sane ones? Where are they, damn it?!

I look out, and all I see is a vast battlefield — or butcher-field.’

An aching loneliness and horror

This (paraphrased) passage had a profound effect on me. It spoke to my deep sense of alienation, my fierce questioning about the direction of our society, and my nascent awareness that I, too, was ‘in pieces,’ lost, and terribly imbalanced. It spoke to my fears about human ‘progress’ and emotional evolution, and the ways we hurt and destroy both the natural world and each other.

It spoke to an aching loneliness and horror, deep within me — a terrible soul-level loneliness — stemming from the current state of our ‘civilization’ and from my sense of our dread-full ‘human condition.’ It (and Nietzsche’s writings in general) provoked much reflection, and guided me along my path of searching, learning, maturation, and longed-for self-realization. (BTW, I’m well aware I’m not yet fully ‘self-realized’.)

. . .

Yet here I am, 50 years later — and I still have the same basic vision and the same questioning horror. But something in me has also changed, grown, and transformed — so now, the aching loneliness and terror no longer afflict my soul or paralyze me.

Today, I’m centered enough and empowered enough to be comfortable in my own skin, and also comfortable (as much as possible, anyway) with my horror over/distaste for our current ‘civilization.’

What I mean is: the deep loneliness and horror haven’t gone away — not at all — but over time I guess I’ve accepted these inner experiences as aspects of the awake, aware ‘human condition.’ And my overall sense of myself has changed drastically as I’ve grown, explored, and matured.

Often, now, I’m able to be centered, clear, and ‘happy anyway,’ despite bleak outer circumstances and ongoing social problems.

Surviving our trying, turbulent, and terrifying times

At least, that’s the way my life was going until fairly recently.

But increasingly, over the past 8–9 years — coinciding with the rise and ‘reign’ of Donald Trump and MAGA — I’ve found myself reverting to the same old primal terrors and fears about the direction of our society, and humanity in general. Or rather, these primal feelings and fears have moved from the background to the foreground of my daily life.

Clearly, we’re all living through very trying, turbulent, and often terrifying times — and maintaining our sanity and sense of integration and ‘wholeness’ is quite difficult (especially here in ruby-red Texas).

But it’s not impossible.

. . .

I have to say: I’m quite fortunate, overall. Though I have only a very small circle of friends — at least I have good friends, as well as a small circle of intelligent, aware, and fairly centered people who can reflect back to me the best, most genuine parts of myself.

In crazy times like these, I think it’s crucial to seek and find deep emotional and spiritual support, and to have that support system around us or easily available.

For the forces of darkness, DISintegration, and raging chaos are all around us, now, and are almost impossible to live through and challenge on our own. In times like these, having like-minded, open-minded, and (mainly) psychologically healthy individuals in our lives is paramount.

Even one open, grounded, and respectful companion can make a huge difference — even all the difference.

This is not a time to try to ‘go it alone’ or willfully ‘push through it’ on your own. Unless you’re an especially hardy and incredibly well-insulated person, some kind of support or community is essential to make it through these bizarre and horrific times.

And despite the many flaws and dangers of the Internet, it’s safe to say that today it can also be a life-saver — literally. Today, if you don’t have a close-by support system or community — you can go online, search diligently, and often find one to connect with.

It’s all out there, waiting — both the ‘good stuff’ and the horrors. We get to choose — more, we need to choose — which one to explore and focus on.

Healing, growing, and finding our ‘tribe’

Now, in typical Nietzschean fashion, I’m going to (partially) contradict myself. Support systems are wonderful and necessary, but ultimately, they can’t ‘do it’ for us or ‘save’ us. No, we always have to do that for ourselves.

We can, and should, get plenty of help and support along the way — from teachers, therapists, healers, gurus, friends, lovers, etc. — but in the end, it’s up to us to heal, mature, and become more integrated.

Yes, it’s always our choice — at all times, and in every situation. It’s up to us to seek growth, maturation, and perhaps even eventual ‘enlightenment’ — but I have to say, it’s disheartening and frightening to see how few human beings make this choice and truly embrace this quest.

Where are all the spiritual-psychological explorers? Where are all the indomitable ‘miners’ of the psyche? Where are the lusty, insatiable ‘life-long learners’? Where are all the endlessly curious seekers and dreamers?

. . .

Where… the… hell… are they?

As the great Moody Blues put it in one of their powerful songs, “I know you’re out there somewhere … somewhere, somewhere. I know you’re out there somewhere ….”

Somehow, we ‘insatiable life-long learners’ and psychic explorers need to connect, support each other, and grow and mature — together. We need to create a vast, countervailing positive force to counteract all the darkness, pain, horror, and negativity around us in today’s world.

We don’t need to do it in person, necessarily (thank God for the Internet in these weird, isolating ‘Twilight Zone’ times!) — but we do need to do it.

Somehow, we ‘light-bearers’ and fierce cultural critics/psycho-social revolutionaries need to find each other, support each other, and pool our resources, our love, and our power.

I know you’re out there somewhere.

—

This post was previously published on Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs.

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