Is Watching Content Ruining Your Love Life?

The Danger of Consuming Without Acting

I feel conflicted making this video. I love what I do. I have been doing it a long time—nearly 20 years now.

But there is a problem.

I can illustrate this problem with something that used to happen at my live events when I was touring. I would begin with a question:

How many new men do you meet in an average week?

That was back when my audience was almost all women. Now it’s much more mixed. By the way, shout out to all of the guys watching this video.

I would start with the number 10, and almost no hands would go up. Then I’d keep working my way down: 8, 7, 6, 5, 4.

When I got to zero—meaning zero new people a week—80% of the hands went up.

And this was from a group of people who were actively trying to find love. That’s why they were there.

And therein lies the problem.

Watching videos and getting advice cannot be the only thing we do to make progress in our lives.

Watching my videos can’t be the only thing you do to make progress in your love life.

Watching Matt D’Avella videos about him going on a one-mile run for 30 days straight is not me going on a run.

Annoyingly, if you’re watching this video and you’re looking for love, but you can’t tell me one clear thing you’ve done this week to make that happen, please stick around and watch until the end.

There’s no judgment in this video. We all do it. But the message is deeply important, and I promise you it has the potential to completely change your trajectory in life.

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Here is a summary of the transcript from YouTube, slightly edited with AI.

The Danger of Consuming Without Acting

I feel conflicted making this video. I love what I do. I have been doing it a long time—nearly 20 years now.

But there is a problem.

I can illustrate this problem with something that used to happen at my live events when I was touring. I would begin with a question:

How many new men do you meet in an average week?

That was back when my audience was almost all women. Now it’s much more mixed. By the way, shout out to all of the guys watching this video.

I would start with the number 10, and almost no hands would go up. Then I’d keep working my way down: 8, 7, 6, 5, 4.

When I got to zero—meaning zero new people a week—80% of the hands went up.

And this was from a group of people who were actively trying to find love. That’s why they were there.

And therein lies the problem.

Watching videos and getting advice cannot be the only thing we do to make progress in our lives.

Watching my videos can’t be the only thing you do to make progress in your love life.

Watching Matt D’Avella videos about him going on a one-mile run for 30 days straight is not me going on a run.

There’s no judgment in this video. We all do it. But the message is deeply important, and I promise you it has the potential to completely change your trajectory in life.

The Illusion of Progress

The reason so many people don’t even know they’ve fallen into this trap is because the danger is silent.

In fact, the dopamine hit we get from watching a helpful video feels really good. It makes us feel like we’re doing something toward our goals, even though our lives are exactly the same by the time we’re done watching.

The feeling that we’ve learned something new can feel like progress.

But in truth, you won’t actually know if your interpersonal life is any different until you start taking small risks and applying the knowledge you’re learning here.

It’s no different from someone saying, “I want to start a business,” and then doing nothing to start that business except reading 12 books about entrepreneurship, only to find they’re no closer a year later.

Or if your goal is to gain strength this year, but instead of picking up dumbbells and trying, you keep watching videos about the perfect workout plan from your bed.

A Practical Example

There, David. That has to be in the shot.

“Oh my God.”

“There is something so fundamentally true about what you’re saying.”

“No, it’s not a profound truth. I’m saying people can see the boom mic in the shot.”

“Okay. That stings a little bit. You’re right. I have to do something to change it.”

“Well, can you raise it so it’s not in the shot anymore?”

“There is something so practical about what you just said.”

“Okay. Well, can you do it then, please?”

“Absolutely. I’m writing it down right now. Trust me.”

“Have you listened to anything I’ve said in this video?”

“Of course, Matt. This video is about taking action in your life. And I know exactly the action I need to take right now: move the boom mic.”

“And if I may, though, Matt, I’m a little more worried about the people watching this video who are wondering what they can do to take action with their love lives.”

Well, David, I’m glad you said that…

Content as a Form of Avoidance

We are living in a time of peak content saturation.

But at some point, too much content with no action becomes a form of procrastination and avoidance.

It’s easier to watch a video about how to handle ghosting than to go out there and risk getting ghosted.

It’s easier to watch another video about attachment styles and over-pathologize ourselves and the people around us than to go on another date and risk it not working out.

It’s easier to watch my video about how to compliment men than to send a compliment to a real man and have it not be reciprocated.

It’s easier to look forward to my videos every week than to look forward to a new date, because the new date could let you down.

When Healing Content Helps

Now, I want to add a caveat.

Certain kinds of content can be genuinely helpful. Heartbreak content or content relating to healing from narcissistic abuse, for example.

Healing takes time, and when we’re in pain, we need support and good ideas.

But even in these cases, there is a danger that we spend so much time doing a forensic analysis of everything a person ever did to us that we never move forward.

We never meet new people who aren’t like the last one.

At a certain point, talking about that person continues to make them the star of a movie that is actually about you.

It makes them the headline.

And haven’t they been the headline long enough already?

You are the star and the director of your movie.

You get to guide where the main character—you—goes.

Seasoning, Not the Meal

I think of my videos every week as seasoning.

They shouldn’t be the meal.

These videos should inspire someone to go out there and live, take risks, try something new, and manage a difficult situation differently.

They are not supposed to lead you to watch another ten hours of content.

And this is especially important today, when the internet is flooded with low-quality AI-generated content and bad advice.

A Powerful Reminder from Hayao Miyazaki

Hayao Miyazaki, the creator of the famous animated film Princess Mononoke, once said something that stopped me in my tracks.

Talking about parents who repeatedly showed his films to their children, he said:

They buy videos of our films to watch again and again. They think their children are fine because they’re viewing good-quality films over and over. That’s outrageous.

Rather than watch a film 50 times, their children should be doing something else 49 of those times.

During the 49 repeat viewings of Princess Mononoke, they are losing out on something, and the adults don’t realize it’s something that can’t be regained.

That is a powerful quote.

The idea that they could be doing something with all the inspiration the movie ignited in them instead of watching it another 49 times.

I believe a powerful 15-minute YouTube video should inspire you to take action for the rest of the week until the next video arrives.

What it shouldn’t do is inspire us to watch another 50 videos.

And I really don’t need to convince you that I believe this message because, as someone who wants this YouTube channel to thrive, making this video is a terrible business decision.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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