This question was asked on r/adultery.

Is Your Affair Partner a Soulmate?

“Soulmate is a naive word. Nearly as bad as twin flame. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy my AP. He is a cunning conversationalist. A generous spirit. He’s full of wit and vim. ” said one user.

I agree. I used to roll my eyes at that word. Ugh. C’mon. You have got to be kidding me, I thought.

I never bought into the soulmate scenario being a much too jaded adulteress in this “lifestyle.”

Sex, yes. Lovers for all eternity, no.

It seemed too grade school-ish. Like carving your initials into a tree.

Pul-eeze.

Who actually has a soulmate? No one I knew in my “real” life, that’s for sure. Someone who finished your sentences. Someone you could count on forever.

More like the reverse, haha. Someone who ignored you. Someone who annoyed you endlessly.

“I do not believe in soulmates, twin flames, matching unicorn wings or whatever,” wrote huskyguy on Reddit.

Unicorn wings, lol, I chuckled.

Can we live happily ever after with our secret-on-the-side lover?

Maybe it’s more like a temporary soul mate.

Someone who works for the time being. Someone who bridges the gaps in your marriage. Someone who gives you just enough so you don’t pull the detonate button on your life.

“Babe, you keep me sane.”
“I couldn’t stay married without you.”

Keep your feet planted on the ground. Cloud nine’s don’t exist.

That’s what I believed for so long. Don’t hope for more. It’s a pipe dream. Inevitable disappointment will follow.

Or, perhaps it IS more.

They are the ONE. The one you should have married. The one you should have had kids with. The one where you can clearly see growing old with together.

When doing nothing is a treat.

The couples you watch walking hand in hand in a park with envy. “How do they do that?” you silently seethe. “What is their secret to staying happy together?”

Maybe they appreciate each other.

That kind of person. The one you can’t forget. The one where the “what if’s” were made for.

“We are supposed to be together.”
“I feel right with you.”

A different universe, perhaps? If the stars aligned, you would have been partners. Your lives would have been vastly different. “I wish I had met you in my 20s,” my guy has said to me. “But you probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day!”

“Probably not,” I laughed.
Yet, I wondered.

Would we have been perfect for each other back then? I doubt it. It took pain and suffering and self-knowledge to get to this point in our 50s to see each others value.

Our paths may have crossed, except may have never joined.

Is it more like your affair partner is a missing puzzle piece in your life? All the jagged edges somehow fit. And now the picture feels complete. That’s when you can’t imagine NOT sharing your lives together. When your love is less of an obstacle and more of an opening for something new and fresh.

I don’t have the answer for everyone. Only for me.

I never believed this type of love existed. And now I do.