Is Your Hurt Causing You Depression?

ALONE IN THOUGHTS

I can’t believe he did this to me! Why would he do this!? He is supposed to value us. He betrayed us. He destroyed us. Why is he doing this? I’m not good enough. I’m too old. I’m not what I once was. How could he leave me for another woman after all I did for him!?

THE AUDIENCE

This advice is for those who have recently broken up. It is impossible to narrate all situations. So, let’s set the stage.

The below is for those experiencing a painful breakup for what was mostly a healthy (non-violent, non-abusive, non-belligerent) relationship which ended due to some out of left-field cataclysmic event.

I will define a sudden out of left field cataclysmic event as: cheating with no signs of discontent, sudden choice of job/education/career over marriage, financial hardship, loss of child or reconciliation with a former love over your new love.

YOUR DEPRESSION MIGHT BE SELF INFLICTED

The only thing worse than suffering is suffering for no reason. It is possible to compound a hurt by aggravating the hurt with salt in the wound. The salt? Your thoughts.

He might have betrayed you.

He might have accosted you with horrible words.

He might have committed a grave offense you deem unforgivable.

Despite these realities, these events often live in a moment of time. Let’s clarify “moment” not “moments”. The truth is you are now in a different present. It is a present free of whatever you state you experienced. If you are in a condition of constantly thinking about what happened — I will reveal a sobering truth. You need to hear it. Remember, you did not read for pity. You were searching for help.

REVIVING THE PAST IN THE PRESENT

The past is dead. It is gone. It no longer exists. Reality is what you experience now. The breath you draw. The screen which shows my words. The coffee you sip.

Stop reading this article right now, look around for a few seconds and come back. (assumed beat)

What you see around you is what is really happening. You do not live in the present when you think about the past. Regardless of any arguments, reality is you are not present while you are thinking about something else.

You reserve the right to think whatever you want. You control your own self talk. To quote Marcus Aurelius, “If something external affects you negatively, it’s your own judgment that’s causing you pain, which is within your power to settle.” (2)

SUFFERING MORE IN YOUR IMAGINATION

Ask yourself, “Am I interested in living my life or imagining another?” The first thing you must stop doing is creating an imaginary prison framed by your own thoughts. The longer you spend creating narrative reflections about the past the more you miss the present.

I am not talking about missing out on the possibility of an imaginary true love. I am referencing independent things you love about your life. The examples are different for everyone. It could be sunsets, motherly conversations, walks on the beach, quiet time reading or yoga classes.

Do not allow the present’s ability to bring you joy to be denied by your imaginary narrative of your past which you self-perpetuate in your mind.

The temporary pain of an external past event should not turn into self-inflicted suffering caused by your imaginary thoughts — insisting you relive painful moments.

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To quote Marcus Aurelius once more, “We often suffer more in our imaginations than we do in reality.” (2)

What Living In The Present Does:

· It spares you unnecessary suffering. The only thing worse than suffering is suffering for no reason. You do not have to keep thinking about the past. You choose to.

· It will result in zero regret. I cannot promise you will not have a bad day today. What I can promise is you will miss many good days, and possibly a great day if you spend your time thinking about past bad days. Regret stems from lacking gratitude in the present. Don’t be ungrateful to the wonderful people who are still in your life.

· It will decrease your stress. We do not always endure extreme hardship. These moments happen but do not persist for 24 hours. No one breaks up for 24 hours straight. Actually no one does anything for 24 hours straight. Don’t keep yourself in a headspace about something which ended.

Three Ways To Ground To The Present (Use Them)

1. Remind Yourself Who Owns Your Feelings. Last time I checked your feelings are inside you. They come from inside your body. That means you get to choose what feelings you feel. Not others.

2. Meditate. The best way to develop focus. This is about being aware of yourself. Your breath. The sounds around you. This is being present with you and no one else.

3. Go For A Solo, No Phone, Non-Music Walk In Nature. Be present with yourself in the world. Walk. Take in the birds, the bees and the scenery. Experience life without arbitrary distractions. Put your phone on airplane mode and disappear into life for a change — not be distracted by it.

The Value of This Philosophy

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· You can always choose your feelings. Do not release ownership of your feelings to others. It is unhealthy and makes you unstable.

· You will instantly reduce cortisol levels. Very important in destressing. (3)

· You will reduce stress and negative feelings after prolonged green space environment exposure. (4)

IN CLOSING

I do not wish my personal circumstances on anyone. It is for this reason that now I am the ultimate authority on what not to do. My much-anticipated new book “Turning Indictments To Dollars” talks about how to avoid the pitfalls I suffered. If you are accused of something you know you didn’t do — this book will offer you the path which grants you success. Trust me you will want to Sign up for free during the pre-release period to take advantage of unique $0.99 pricing on launch.

Sign up for free to listen free of charge to my chapter in “Many Paths To Profit”. You can pick up a copy of my international best-selling and award winning book, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” as well for a deeper insight.

The concept I teach in this article is free. Some of my personal stories are not free of charge as everything costs something. The techniques I discuss in this article I use. The purpose of reading this is to help people avoid self-induced stress & depression.

If you are experiencing a breakup you cannot get over, it’s critical you read this. We can forget the present by remembering the past. Use the techniques above to seize the present, de-stress and lower cortisol levels. Let me know how these techniques helped you in the comments.

To Your Knowledge Success!

Sources

1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.

2) Marcus Aurelius. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. The New Translation By Del Ray Kochon. Decameron Books. ISBN 978–1–936767–79–3

3) Wanpen Turakitwanakan, et al. “Effects of mindfulness meditation on serum cortisol of medical students”. K Med Assoc Thai. 2013 Jan:96 Suppl 1:S90–5.

4) Kobayashi H, Song C, Ikei H, Park BJ, Kagawa T, Miyazaki Y. “Combined Effect of Walking and Forest Environment on Salivary Cortisol Concentration”. Front Public Health. 2019 Dec 12;7:376. doi: 10.3389/fpubh.2019.00376. PMID: 31921741; PMCID: PMC6920124.

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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments. Certain elements of this narrative may have been fictionalized to convey message points. This is a work of artistic expression not a narrative of fact. Strictly for entertainment and informational purposes only.

About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller, Award Winner of the December 2024 prestigious International Impact Book Awards — a premier award program dedicated to celebrating and recognizing the exceptional work of authors around the globe and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. He is also a Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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