Want to see someone even more unhappy? Watch them cope after ending things without any preparation for their single life.
If your partner abuses you, yes, get out of there. Otherwise. Stay a little longer.
Look for a new partner while you’re there. Or don’t. (Most people do that anyway, so I’m just mentioning what some people do). But leaving an unhappy partnership won’t make you happy immediately.
It won’t. It could just be me.
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Release your inner zombie.
Unhappy people are zombies.
Your lovely, weird dopamine receptors get high on being angry. It’s like your cells scream ‘misery’ instead of brains. Stay with your partner until you stop searching for reasons to be miserable.
Learn to have joy while your partner is a messy, narcissistic jerk or demanding princess/queen. People in unhappy relationships usually say their partners don’t appreciate them. Do you care for yourself? Start before you end the relationship. So, you aren’t stuck emotionally when you leave.
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Figure out critical adult details.
Leave. Visit therapy together. Stay quiet. Do all that. But never tell your partner you plan to end the relationship and keep living with them.
You could be the lucky ones.
End up in an awkward sitcom scene of sharing a space with an ex. Or worse. You don’t live to see headlines featuring your story. Many women and some men died for that choice. Figure out where you will live and how you will pay for it. Decide what is yours. Think about what they can keep and how you will move out.
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Why hasn’t anyone said this?
I’m clapping at every word in this statement — it is lonely out here.
Strengthen, rebuild, and create new friends before you leave. Nothing drives you back into the arms of an ex like loneliness. Every love song features a loneliness factor. Are you jealous even when you are with a new love? It is because you feel alone.
No one gets you like that person yet. It is a significant gap. Go out. Find your people or have a few friend hangouts first. Yes, people help when you’re in need — but go to them before you need them for support.
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A must in my book
Have fun alone outside your bedroom or bathroom.
Stop with me-times spent on a toilet seat. If you have to sit on the staircase of your apartment building, do it. I know. Eating alone in a restaurant is too much for some of you. Be outside. Be smiling at your reflection. Welcome your single self-energy back.
I’m serious. People say all the time. “They can’t live with their partner anymore.” Then leave and can’t live with themselves. You got to do better. Breakups can be worthwhile if you reduce the reasons for regret.
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Don’t get me wrong here.
I said stay. I did not suggest you fix anything. If you want to try, go for it.
This stay period is more for you than you think. People get in their heads about breakups. How? When? Where? Should I even bother?
Stop.
Think about you. Regret is relative. Would you be okay if your life without them was worse? Would you end things with them all over again? Tough questions. But the answers will allow you to walk away on frank, even good terms.
This stay period can be short or long.
It depends on your needs and your partner’s willingness to help. It is rare. But some couples remain together for money, their house, or kids.
The period gives you more control over what happens after the breakup. So, your life doesn’t “fall apart”. And you go crawling back to your ex. That last piece was dramatic. But when you’re emotional, that’s how it feels.
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Thank you for reading this post.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
