Men, myself included, have long taken for granted the responsibility (not to mention the expense and physical imposition) for birth control.
To be blunt, the most I’ve ever had to do is pick up a monthly supply of pills from the drug store on the way home, or just ask, one time, at the start of a sexual relationship, whether my soon to be partner was protected.
As far as preventing pregnancy goes, that’s been the entirety of my burden — and I’ve reaped the benefits of care-free sex over and over again, for years.
It would be nice — ideal, even — if men became greater and more vocal participants in the fight for reproductive justice out of principles of gender equality, and of shared and mutual freedom to control and manage our bodies. No elected official should have the right to dictate or impose reproductive decisions on others, nor they should create and enforce regulations that deprive half of our population of health care that directly impacts their bodies and their present and future lives. Men wouldn’t stand for such impositions on themselves, nor that kind of control over their bodies, so we should stand up for that kind of freedom for others.
But if that’s too high a bar to climb, I’ll settle for the threat of condom-only sex.
Because that’s where we’re heading.
Which, idealism aside, is somewhat apropos pos. The focus on so-called life, the feigned care about fetuses (over the rights of the person carrying that fetus, no less), the focus on fertilization? It’s all a smokescreen for what the abortion fight has been about all along.
Sex — and control over who has it, and what kind.
The Attack on Consequence-Free Sex
Officials in Missouri last year passed legislations banning public funding for Plan B and IUDs. After an outcry they backed off, but if and when the legally-protected right to an abortion is stripped away by an activist Supreme Court looking to undo more than 50 years of reproductive rights, they might try again.
Banning abortion will, of course, impose forced birth on unintended pregnancies. Taking away Plan B and IUDs will lead to more of those unintended pregnancies. It’s a very narrow road to taking away the right to birth control pills, which is technically a similar medication to Plan B.
That means the most popular forms of contraception will be taken away from us all, leading to a situation where using condoms becomes the only way to have sex while trying to prevent a pregnancy.
Who wins in that scenario? Not people who enjoy sex without condoms, that’s for sure.
It’s those who don’t want people like me who prefer sex without condoms to be able to experience that kind of sex.
It goes without saying how unpopular this is.
The majority of Americans don’t want Roe overturned, but because of the filibuster, we live with a legislative branch — and now a judicial one — that speaks for and represents the minority.
Nearly two-thirds of women ages 15–49 use the kind of contraception officials in Missouri and presumably elsewhere want to take away.
More than 90% of those who support abortion rights believe contraception should be made free and widely available. Even among those who don’t support abortion rights, 61% think the same about birth control accessibility.
So the attack on reproductive freedom and bodily autonomy is being led by those in the minority, and then even further by a minority of that minority. Such is the state of American democracy, which is a separate conversation.
Condoms Suck. Lack of Choice is Worse.
It feels childish, juvenile, even boorish to complain about wearing condoms. It’s a sign of my male privilege to be complaining about it all. How much worse would a forced birth be?
So, yeah, a worst-case scenario of having to have sex with condoms is far better than the worse-case scenario for those forced to give birth against their will.
Hell, in my current single, sex-free life, imagining sex with condoms seems appealing. Better than nothing.
But this is far greater than condoms, of course.
It’s about the lack of freedom, and having the freedom I’ve enjoyed taken away. It’s about others imposing their beliefs on me to the extent that the most personal, enjoyable, meaningful, fun thing I can do (if I recall correctly) is going to be impinged upon and lessened.
To be able to control our reproductive choices, for ourselves and for those we love and respect, is something immensely valuable — to be treasured and protected.
And when I think of the impact sex has had on me and my partners/relationships, how it has brought so much joy and togetherness (one partner called it life-affirming, and she’s right, doesn’t it feel that way?) to have that impeded and altered is gross and maddening.
So, yes, I want to have that again. I want others to have that. I want all of us to be able to enjoy the best of sex has to offers us — with the assurance (or as close enough we can get to it) that a pregnancy, if not desired, will be avoided. And yeah, if a pregnancy does occur, I want options available so my life and my partner’s life is not irrevocably impacted.
No one gets to tell me what kind of sex to have. No elected official beholden to the public has the right to craft policy that so blatantly and intimately impacts the most private parts of my life and body.
Again, this rant is coming from a place of privilege. Women have been agitating about attacks on their private body parts and lives for decades but, really…the state is going to control the amount and kind of sexual pleasure I can experience?
No.
It’s Time to Get in the Game
So maybe this attack on contraception will open people’s eyes to the range and impact of our current battle over reproductive justice.
The fight for abortion rights is escalating to a wider battle for all kinds of reproductive and sexual freedom, just as we’ve been warned.
This fight was never women’s fight alone, even it felt or was positioned that way. No, this impacts us all, in the most personal and intimate of ways.
Vote, donate, protest, organize, all the things. Do it for selfish reasons, or for the benefit of others, or for principle.
Reproductive justice affects all of us and has a direct impact on our quality of life.
We can’t stand for someone else’s values dictating what kind of sex we have — and what the impacts of that sex will be.
To those who want to impose abortion bans and take away birth control that benefits us all, I say get out of my bedroom. Because I certainly don’t want to be in yours.
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Previously Published on Medium
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Women are 51% of our population by most reports. Women’s rights are slowly being assaulted and whittled down. Given the highly successful efforts of the right wing taliban to take increasing control of the levers of government through gerrymandering and the takeover of election mechanisms, there is every reason to believe this assault will continue, plausibly until women’s rights are returned to their status of the early 1900s. Should that actually occur, I see no way of reversing that without a very protracted effort over many decades (just like it took the first time to get equal rights), and then… Read more »