It’s Not Love — You’re Just Being “Breadcrumbed”

You met this new cute guy (or girl) on Bumble. The vibes matched, and you told yourself, “this is it! he’s my soulmate”.

But weeks later, you started seeing this pattern where he’s gone cold and took days to get back to you because he’s “busy.” Yet when you ignore him, all of a sudden, he comes back with a greater interest in you than before.

What the hell is going on? This thing starts driving you nuts.

My friend, you aren’t crazy — you’re just being breadcrumbed.

If you don’t know that term yet, here’s the definition according to one article from Brides:

“Breadcrumbing” is the act of sending out flirtatious but non-committal social signals (i.e., “breadcrumbs”) in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it’s leading someone on.”

That’s why it’s called breadcrumbing; they give you a little here and there. And you don’t get to have the full bread loaf — no matter how hard you try.

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Some signs you might want to look at:

They come and go whenever they feel like it.

You can never rely on them. The time you meet each other is based on their schedules. And you’d expect a lot of booty calls. You know, those late-night calls where they suddenly show up to have a “talk.”

When this happens, it’s making you feel like they do want you. You convince yourself after a long day of questioning things that everything’s back to normal again.

But it’s not.

They haven’t changed and will never do. People who like breadcrumbing others are lack sympathy. They could care less about your needs and prioritize theirs instead.

And trust me, you don’t want to be with someone like that.

When asked what they want, they aren’t “sure.”

It’s safe to say people who like doing this are also the ones with commitment issues. For some reason, I never believe it when a guy tells me he isn’t sure what he wants.

The fact that he always came back whenever I ignored him shows that he did know what he wanted. It’s just that I wasn’t the one he wanted to build a long-term relationship with. And it’s okay.

I just wish people like this could be more honest and stop wasting other people’s time and energy. Breadcrumbing isn’t a cool thing to do. If they think they aren’t ready yet, then it’s better to stay single and figure it all out on their own.

It’s like being on an emotional roller-coaster ride with them.

According to ahead Campbell, “breadcrumbs are sporadic, inconsistent, and unpredictable in their expression of interest in you.”

So you never know what’s going on and are always left with the guessing game. One day could be your happiest day, and another could be full of sadness because they put you down.

When this happens for too long, you’ll have this anticipation mode turn on. You’re prepared for the worst. When things are going really well, you wonder if something bad is about to happen.

With all that, it’s only about time until it takes a toll on your overall mental health.

They always come back whenever you start drifting apart.

Here’s an obvious sign to see if you’re being breadcrumbed: when you get tired with their game and start pulling away, they always come back showing you so much more love than before.

But then, when you’re back and fully invested again, they switch into the “cold” mode. You’ll be then feeling confused as heck at this point. Because how could they act as if they have two different personalities?

The truth is, people like this do have more than one personality. Being with them is mentally exhausting. And for a reminder, you shouldn’t be playing with the guessing game if you’re with the right person.

So, what’s the next step?

Being breadcrumbed can put you into depression — so don’t take it lightly.

I’ve read some advice which tells you to wait it out and communicate what you want with them, who knows they’ll change their mind for you, right?

Well, you’re wasting even more of your time and energy here.

The best thing you can do in this situation is to walk away. Forget about “dealing” with it in the first place. They show you how unworthy they’re with that inconsistency, so why stay? It doesn’t make sense.

Cutting off contact with them might be a hard thing to do, especially when you truly care about this person. I wish there was a better way to do it, but from experience, unless you selfishly prioritize yourself and walk away from such a situation, you won’t be moving forward with your life.

It’s all about making a new decision because where you’re right now is no longer making you happy.

So, remove yourself from all that and take power back. It’s never too late to start over. In the end, you deserve someone who’s willing to give their all just as much as you’d do for them.

That kind of love exists.

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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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