It’s the Third of January, I’m Broke, and Google Won’t Let Me Cancel Google Workplace

I swore, as usual, to keep Christmas under control. My family of three gave one gift to each person and an experience. We stayed in my home and cooked often. As usual, I failed. Santa Fe is a tourist town, so I took my son and sister out.

A lot.

As they did me.

The $384 I had saved for that went fast. You don’t want to know how fast. About three meals out fast, and my son doesn’t even drink.

I now await insurance money for my client sessions of the week before Christmas, and my Social Security check that covers only half my mortgage payment. I — maybe foolishly — passed on a chance to refinance my mortgage an entire .25%, resulting in freeing up $86 a month, and getting a payment free January, while “only” adding $4,000 to the mortgage. Paying off my mortgage when I’m 101-years-old instead of 103. Make it make sense.

I awaken today to find a fraudulent charge from a company called Uplift, which is assuredly not uplifting at all. There’s also a charge of $88 for Google Workspace, which I haven’t used in years. Between them, they overdrew my account. The bank was able to give me back the $88, only because I had already reached out to Google’s entirely automated service, and received text messages of rambling instructions on how to cancel. Instructions I can’t follow.

The Uplift charge is pending, so I have to let it overdraw my account until it posts tomorrow, at which time they can put it back into my account while they investigate, with no guarantee of success. Sigh. And they’ll probably also assess an overdraft charge. Because charging you more when you’re already overdrawn makes so much sense. Talk about Sisyphus and his rock.

Ironically, I used Google to search for Uplift. All the Reddits, scam searchers, and reviews say it’s a scam company — one of those that robocalls offering loans. I don’t answer those calls, and certainly don’t apply for $250,000 unsecured business loans for my one-woman private practice. The bank charge was only $195, but I figure that’s just phishing.

Add this to RefaceAI, whose yearly fee is $44, but has been charging me $49 a month with no apparent way to cancel, and my blood pressure is higher than my bank account. My son is helping me work on canceling RefaceAI.

When I asked his help in canceling Google Workspace, it turns out he needs to cancel his, too, and hasn’t been able to do it. He suggested I go to Google’s Gemini AI tool and ask its advice. Great, I’ll probably get an added charge for doing that.

As usual, my son is mostly correct. Except, I don’t remember the email address for the Workspace, and this is the advice Gemini gave me for that situation. Notice the consoling opening sentence. Dead giveaway that the difficulty is about to get worse.

I admire Gemini’s belief in me, since the last part states, “Once you are successfully inside the Admin console,” implying their faith in my getting there at all. Which I still haven’t. I don’t even know how to open an incognito window, without installing Duck Duck Go on my computer. Which will probably take as long this interminable journey to cancel Google Workspace in the first place.

I’m not the only broke person recently charged by Google Workspace who is trying to cancel. When I clicked on the Google.Admin.Toolbox.Recovery.Form, like a good little human directed by AI, this is the message I received.