Just Because They Are Jealous Doesn’t Mean They Love You

Sometimes when a relationship is not going great, people will cling to any sign they get to see if their partner still cares about them.

Even if that sign is a little toxic.

A lot of people think that if their partner cares about where they am and who they are hanging out with, it means they care about them.

And that’s true — partially.

But there’s a little more to it.

Is A Little Bit of Jealousy Normal?

A lot of people confuse updates with control and hence end up thinking that their partner is jealous.

But that’s not true.

Keeping your partner updated about your whereabouts is a sign of respect.

If your partner wants updates because:

They are concerned about you
They want to feel more involved in your life

Then it’s perfectly normal in a healthy relationship.

Also, a little bit of jealousy — like if your new gym trainer is a little too hot or if your new colleague seems like an interesting person — is fine.

Maybe its even cute.

But if turns to controlling behavior, that’s when it becomes an issue.

And it becomes an even bigger issue when your partner isn’t showing any other signs of love.

If jealousy is their only love language.

If they are not consistent. If they don’t meet your needs

If they don’t take you seriously.

And still acts jealous, then that’s not cute.

That’s a manipulation technique.

So Why Do People Act Jealous Even When They Don’t Actually Love You?

1. You Are A Placeholder & They Are Projecting

A placeholder is someone who’s temporarily filling the void in someone’s life until they meet “the one”. And sometimes people can get really possessive over their placeholders.

They don’t want to let you go because they know you are too good to be replaced. That is, until they find “the one”.

They are also projecting their own behavior on you.

Do you know that a cheater is more likely to suspect their partner of infidelity?

This is exactly what happens here.

You are replaceable to them. Hence they feel easily replaceable by you.

Everything you do will be taken as a sign that you are about to leave them. And they will do everything they can do stop that.

They don’t want you to leave. Not until your replacement arrives.

2. They Have Poor Self-esteem/ Abandonment Issues

Some people have such deep-rooted issues with themselves that they spend their entire lives chasing someone.

For them, love is not about building a relationship brick-by-brick, it’s about being chosen.

The moment you choose them, they feel they are worth loving. All their sense of self-worth comes from you.

That’s why they try to control your actions so that you don’t stray.

The moment they have taken all the validation they could from you, they move on to the next target.

I am little ashamed to say this but there have times (before I started working on myself) when I did this exact same thing. I would be in a relationship and act jealous despite not being in love. I didn’t intend to hurt anyone (although I did), I was just wanted the validation that I was worthy of being loved.

3. They Just Want Control…Over Everything Else

Some people are just built like that — dominant and controlling. They think that the entire world revolves around them.

It doesn’t matter if they love you or not. If you are a part of their life, they will try to control every bit of you.

Being in control of someone makes them feel powerful.

It’s not about you.

They would do the same to anybody in your place.

It doesn’t mean they love you.

It just means they want to have the power to control your life.

So When Is Jealousy A Sign of Love?

Never!

You should never count jealousy as a sign of love.

Jealousy doesn’t stem from love.

It stems from internal fears.

If your partner isn’t jealous, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It simply means they are secure and might be showing their concern in some other way.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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