He just found out he has to pay child support… for a child he never knew he had. Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert guides him through the anger… to become an instant Dad.
Question: Just found out that I have a two year old daughter. Her mother decided to come after me for child support. Obviously, I am pissed as hell for a number of reasons but mainly because I had a daughter that this woman decided to keep from me and only let me know when she would have monetary gain from it. I don’t want to take it out on my daughter but I still think the whole thing is bullshit.
Answer: OMG I have no idea how stunned, mad, disheartened you must feel all at once. I get that PISSED AS HELL is the main thing you feel right now and I honor you for not wanting to take it out on your daughter, so you have WORK to do before seeing her.
I suppose you know to get a DNA test to make sure she’s yours, right? Good 🙂
First allow your feelings of anger in a healthy way… don’t take it out on her as clearly she hasn’t honored you before and will most likely not honor you now. Physically get it out with exercise, hitting a punching bag, journaling, talking to a coach or therapist.
Make space for what’s under the anger… probably sadness that you missed on the first two years of her life… sad that the mom would keep her from you… sad that you’d be treated so unfairly… sad that your life is no longer going according to Plan A. You might also be afraid… scared that you won’t be a good Dad, scared that your daughter won’t like you… scared that your child’s mom will be a greedy drain on your life for the next 16 years… scared you’ll never be free.
Listen. Feel. Honor and Allow these Truths. You have every right to feel all of this and more.
Then once you’ve expressed the mad, and sad… lets be bold, courageous and creative with your anger and it, What Change Could We Create Here? What’s Possible Here? What’s Right About This I’ve Never Considered? If the Universe Was On My Side, What’s the Gift Here?
I like asking anger this because it transforms this energy from the negative stereotype of cruelty… to a positive force of change, a useful form of potency, the fuel for change for the better.
Lets see how you do with those suggestions. If you still want to call the mafia on the mom… perhaps you ought to connect with me for a complementary strategy session. You can apply at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect I’m 14 years into a difficult ex and pretty masterful at not letting his shenanigans bother me anymore 😉 You don’t want your anger to follow through onto that sweet innocent girl. What she needs from you is presence, curiosity about who she is, and consistent reliable time with her Dad whom she can rest into and know what safety feels like in the depth of her Soul.
You can do this 😉 And a great free read to help you believe in you and cultivate that capacity to be the center of the storm is in my complementary report www.GetHerToSayYes.com. Anyway that I can have your back. What if the best was yet to come? xoxo Allana
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DNA* Curse you tiny keyboard!
This is truly sad and shows the state of relationships today. She wanted nothing to do with him till she needed and/or wanted money. She hid the child for two years from him and now pops up and drops the bombshell of a lifetime right on his lap. I dont see this story ending well. I’ve seen it before. I hope he can channel his anger into something and have a good relationship with his daughter provided she is his obviously. It irks me that in this situation the guy will almost undoubtedly be portrayed as the evil villain while… Read more »
Just FYI Child Support Enforcement requires a DNC test unless the father acknowledges the child as his. In all 50 States.
If you read my entire post you would see how i have addressed that. Many men wont question the paternity to avoid looking bad if the baby is theirs, which means that many even those unsure of paternity wont question it even if they have doubts. Some dont even want to imagine the baby isnt their’s so they dont question. And while it may be law it isnt often followed. In a support group I observed several men have been forced to pay child support for children that weren’t theirs. Several had orders enforced with no DNA test and no… Read more »
Also one of the guys I mentioned had to keep paying child support for three years after a DNA test proved the baby wasn’t his. It finally took an expensive lawsuit to get them to finally stop ordering the payments. I suspect this case isnt as rare as people want to think. Few men will come forward about this because the moment they do they get labeled a sexist who is trying to villianize women. The men in the group would only participate under the condition that their names would never appear anywhere and they couldn’t be linked to the… Read more »