An unexamined life is not worth living
– Socrates
I once dated with a woman that I had ginormous crush on.
It only took me about three years to ask her out.
Shut up! I was taking my time. Playing the long game.
Anyway, after our second date, she emailed me a document that detailed where she was in her life and outlined what kinds of things she expected from a romantic relationship.
The document mentioned that she was beginning graduate school, and much of her time would be spent between that and work. “Don’t be offended if I am unavailable for things,” she said. “Or if I don’t respond right away. If you don’t hear back from me in a day or two, please try me again.”
She also mentioned that she had no desire to enter a serious relationship at that time but was looking for friendship, dating, and adventures when she had moments to spare.
No relationship would be exclusive. And that she was becoming “Too old and jaded for love games.” The email concluded with, “At this point, if you are not saying ‘F*ck yes, you are a no.”
Wow!
I was completely blown away. This person had sat and worked through what she wanted, who she was, and what she expected of others in a relationship. I could take it or leave it.
No games. No guessing. No misinterpretations.
I was a F*ck yes.
That kind of confidence and self actualization is enthralling.
Sadly, things didn’t continue between us. We didn’t really hit it off after all. But it’s not an understatement to say my life was changed forever by the very short time we spent together.
I started to think about what I wanted. And I started to be much more clear with the women I was dating. And that really resonates if comes from a place of respect and consideration.
I think everyone should sit and write out exactly what they want. Even if they don’t initially feel comfortable sharing it, at least they’ll know where they are with things.
I wish I’d learned all this three years earlier.
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