Danny Baker believes being single for 6 years has given him the chance to develop the best love life possible.
I’m a single 25 year old, and I haven’t been in a significant relationship since I was 19. But I still feel as if I have an awesome love life.
I never used to feel that way. I always used to feel as if I needed a woman to have a great love life – as if I needed a woman to have a great life, period. So I put a fair lot of effort into finding one, but I’ve never managed to meet someone that I’ve clicked with enough to make it last.
“Mate, you have had terrible luck with women,” my best friend sometimes says to me. “There was the girl who cheated on you with one of your best friends and then who, to get back at you for ending things with her, started spreading the ridiculously false rumour that you raped her; there was the girl who got engaged to another guy while you were both dating; the girl who stood you up after you travelled 14 hours to meet her for a holiday, and dozens of bad dates in between. When it comes to the ladies, you’ve had it tough, brother.”
I used to agree with him, but after a while, I started realising that in some ways, I’d actually gotten really lucky.
Since I couldn’t find happiness in that area of my life, it pushed me to try and find happiness from the inside out, and cultivate a life that I truly loved – independent of a lover.
It pushed me to find a job that I love – one that I’m so passionate about that it hardly even feels like a job.
It pushed me to develop new relationships with people that I’ve grown to love, and pushed me to further develop existing relationships with people that I’ve grown to love even more.
It pushed me to involve myself in volunteer work – something that now adds so much meaning and purpose to my life.
It pushed me to discover and then nurture my love for literature.
It pushed me to discover how much I enjoy travelling, and has led me to 30 countries across five continents in the last seven years.
It pushed me to learn how to enjoy the little things – a walk in the sun, my favourite meal, my favourite T.V. show, for example – and how to pepper my days with these little things to permanently enrich my life.
It pushed me to learn how to love myself from the inside out.
In short, being single for so long has led me to develop so many other facets of my life that I may’ve never developed had I shared all those years with a woman. So when my best mate says to me, “mate, you’ve had shocking luck with the ladies”, I now feel secure enough in saying, “it’s really the opposite, brother – being single has led me to cultivate a rich, authentic life and find lasting happiness independent of another, and because I’ve had so many failed dates and relationships before, I’ve come to learn exactly what I want in a woman and exactly what I don’t want. So when the right one eventually comes along, I’ll know it.”
And when she does come along, she’ll be the cherry on top of what already is a beautiful life.
If you enjoyed reading this post, you may also like Danny’s book titled “MY RECOVERY BLUEPRINT – How I overcame depression in three straightforward steps and how you can do the same.” Grab your copy from Amazon here.
Photo: Hartwig HKD/Flickr
Sorry but this new age self satisfied-ness doesn’t appeal, my heart as an idealist knows that love it what makes good living, it’s a fundamental basic. At the very least someone to have intimacy with, but never the twain. Single at 46 with no LTR still, but maybe the next life, this ones a dead loss.
I enjoyed reading your thoughtful article. I too have been single
for a number of years now and understand your perspective.
Being single has allowed me the opportunity to think about
my place in the world, goals and to live in the moment. I don’t
have the pressure to “be” for anyone other than myself.
Well said Danny, and this a good advice not matter how old or young you are.
I live your strategy and I am wiser,a lot wiser.