THE CRASH OF A HIGH
Another day where she wakes up to silk robes, ten thousand thread sheets, and slips into her Louie Vuitton slippers waiting by the marble floor bedside. It’s 10am and her agenda consists of: get ready for early yoga, special prepared smoothie, yoga, coffee with friends, pick up her child, come home, get diner ready, watch the clock go by, get random text message from her man he has a last minute meeting, and then cry when he finally comes home as he angles his phone where she can’t see.
Is this you?
WHAT IS MALE COMMITMENT
Ladies first you must learn what male forms of commitment are. Most men understand what commitment is. We also understand loyalty very well. These are not difficult concepts for us to understand.
The way of samurai in the code of bushido demanded commitment until death. If a man failed to serve his retainer with unwavering commitment he faced dishonor. The only way for these men to redeem themselves was to commit Seppuku — ritual suicide.
The western world came up with Chivalry — an honorific code based on how knights should conduct themselves. There were Knights Templar — a holy order of men who crusaded in the name of God (in theory). They willingly martyred themselves and demonstrated their commitment this way.
Today, whether the cause is misguided or not, there is something called Mujahedeen — the plural form of mujahid, an Arabic term that broadly refers to people who engage in jihad, interpreted in a jurisprudence of Islam as the fight on behalf of God where these people martyr themselves in service to God. (5)
These are concepts widely embraced by Men from varying cultures (not just terrorists). In the United States military, we agreed to give up our lives to defend our country in our oaths. This is not a backwater concept. Some men are still giving this form of commitment today.
I think what many women are asking from men is simple. They want the exclusive form of commitment they see men give to others. This form of commitment is extremely loyal. This commitment does not serve two masters.
So million-dollar question…How does a woman obtain this form of exclusive commitment?
LACK OF EMPATHY
In my experience Empathy is one of the least developed virtues. Men do not seem to value it amongst themselves. Men do not want excuses, nor do they want to understand the emotional states of each other. Men tend to want results. It is very rare for my male friends to discuss their mental health with each other. The common societal remedy is to 1) get a woman to talk to or 2) get a therapist. Both are hard to come by. As a result, very few men develop this virtue.
Personally, I have noticed “Mental Health” oddly paired its emergence at the same moment of “toxic masculinity”. I noticed it correlated directly to the #metoo movement. I won’t render an opinion on either, but it is foolish to ignore the correlations. All I can say is for the first 30 years of my life none of these concepts existed (I am turning 40 this year). Now they do.
My experience taught me most women do not develop empathy as a virtue either. We are egalitarian in this regard. In my experience (and of course there are many others) I find most women desire their men to understand their feelings — but there is little willingness for them to understand male reasoning.
Often, I find if a man is well intentioned in his actions but hurts a woman’s feelings it tends not to matter what his reason was. What mattered to the woman was how she felt as a result of his actions. Her desire was for her man to not hurt her anymore regardless of what his intentions were. No credence was offered to his intentions. Even if they were good.
I argue, for most women intentions don’t matter when it comes to their feelings. Only results. This sounds often like men to me ironically. It’s just different categories. In both cases we find a lack of empathy as the common intersection. Both sexes lack this virtue in this regard.
EMPATHY AS A VIRTUE
I further argue, the most compelling form of male commitment goes to a woman who learns how to develop empathy as a virtue.
Empathy, when it is a virtue, exhibits during all circumstances — not simply when you are not hurt. Conditional acts of empathy are examples of being “equitable”. Conditional treatment is not bad — it’s just not anything other than that. Equitable people are “fair”, but they are not for instance “kind”. A “kind” person musters nice behavior in all instances — not just ones where people deserve it. Just read the story of Jesus and you will understand what kindness truly is.
A person who has empathy as a virtue can experience extreme hurt (by unintended consequences of a person’s actions) and still empathize to understand the offender during their feelings of hurt. This is rare and most people (let alone women) cannot do this.
Remember, do not use rarity as an excuse. The commitment you are asking for is extremely rare. You must offer something extremely rare to ask for the form of commitment you desire. It is both unlikely and unusual for any human to exchange a extremely scarce resource for a common one. This applies even if the resource is good quality or great quality. Things that are extremely scarce are not traded easily.
Empathy as a virtue is an extremely scarce resource.
How It Illustrates:
Present Situation Inquiry — “My man just cheated on me. He broke our vows it’s over.”
Present Recommendation — “Do not excuse his actions. BUT do not get angry. Anger is an emotion that signals you have no self-control. Anger is a reaction to another’s action — which means you are not acting. You are reacting. Reactions are the basis of manipulation. Do not put yourself in a position to be intentionally or unintentionally manipulated. You are already hurt. Take time to ask questions. It’s okay if none of the answers are good. Asking genuine questions to understand does not mean you are looking to be persuaded. Understanding does not require agreement. You might discover something about him which shocks you or reveals unique circumstances — some which lead you to conclude it’s possible he might never do it again.”
What This Response Does:
· It increases your virtue. We can choose any virtue we want within the context of a situation. There will always be unique virtues to practice in situations. In this context, you develop empathy which directly strengthens temperance. A person who has temperance is the ultimate safety destination for men. They can trust you in their most vulnerable positions. There is nothing more vulnerable than coming to someone dead wrong and being taken care of instead of punished.
· It prevents manipulation. Arguing is a form of reaction. Reacting to someone’s words allows manipulation. This is especially true if the person knows how to “get under your skin”. They understand your behavior and press your buttons. You are under control of another person when you handle situations impulsively.
· It reframes perspective. If there is a shred of goodness in your man (and I hope so) than it is very possible for him to completely shift his perspective on you. You are the same person but how he sees you should change. Cheating or having other options is always motivated by selfishness. Selfishness is simply one person’s benefit at the expense of another. If a woman is acceptable to other options — than this may not apply (depending on the nuance of the relationship).
Three Ways To Develop Empathy (Use Them)
1. Ask Yourself What Can You Prove. Most of the time we will come up with no proof when we ask what ourselves what we can prove. This is a sobering dose of reality. Your initial impulses are often rooted in nothing. Only fools make permeant decisions based on nothing. Don’t be a fool.
2. Become Curious Not Angry. Choose a desire to know the truth. Avoid the choice of becoming angry when you don’t know the truth. Anger is a sign of losing control. Curiosity is a sign of determination. Become determined, do not become out of control.
3. Ask Open Ended Questions. This might seem indirect, but it is not. When something happens ask the person you are “curious” about (not suspicious) questions which allow them to give you insight. For instance, “What type of mental space were you in last night?” will give you a lot more information than, “Where were you last night?”. You kind of know the latter. You have no idea of the former.
The Value of This Philosophy
· This allows you to challenge possible misconception and reinforces positive assumptions over negative assumptions. (2)
· Learning the truth before acting makes you pause before reacting which reduces stress and makes you feel more relaxed. (3)
· Open Ended Questions gives you information not possible to obtain as the person answering has no real idea what you actually want to know. (4)
IN CLOSING
Sign up for free to listen free of charge to my chapter in “Many Paths To Profit”. You can pick up a copy of my international best-selling and award winning book, “I Made It Then I Didn’t” as well for a deeper insight on some of the psychology I use to take me through difficult circumstances.
The concept I teach in this article is free. Some of my personal stories are not free of charge as everything costs something. The techniques I discuss in this article I use. The purpose of reading this is to help women understand how some men will give exclusive commitment.
If you are feeling angry or frustrated because your man seems to lack exclusive commitment, it’s critical you read this. I was a man who believed in more than one option. I decided to have exclusive commitment. It came from a woman who developed the virtue above (among others). Consequently I developed new virtues too. I am by what many women describe as a high value man — so how did my wife get exclusive commitment? Read the above to find out.
To Your Knowledge Success!
Sources
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.
2) Work Learning Research. “The Learning Benefits of Questions”. Will Thalheimer PhD. 2003–2014. Somerville, MA USA.
3) MindOwl, “The Power Of Pause: Breaking Free From Reactive Thought Patterns”. Filipe Bastos. August 26, 2019. Web Article. Web Link: https://mindowl.org/the-power-of-pause/. Accessed April 2, 2025.
4) Behavior Research Methods. 4802–4822 (2024) “Integrating open- and closed-ended questions on attitudes towards outgroups with different methods of text analysis.” Karolina Hansen, Aleksandra Swiderska. October 16, 2023. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13428-023-02218-x
5) Wikipedia. Mujahideen Definition. Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mujahideen Accessed 13 May 2025.
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Not a form of investment advice. Please consult a professional registered to give you advice about your individual circumstance. This article is for educational purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please do not email the author about advice on investing or strategies on making investments.
About Christopher: Christopher Knight Lopez is a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller, Award Winner of the December 2024 prestigious International Impact Book Awards — a premier award program dedicated to celebrating and recognizing the exceptional work of authors around the globe and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”. He is also a Co-Author with Kevin “The Shark” Harrington “Many Paths To Profit”. See more at www.christopherklopez.com.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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