Question: Communication in my marriage is dead. My husband and I no longer say full sentences to each other. It started when the last child left the home and has gotten worse over the past few months. Is this a sign?
Answer: Quite often years if not decades can go by where we don’t really realize we haven’t deeply intimately vulnerably honestly connected with our partner because were so busy with the day-to-day life of children.
However, as you said, when the last child leaves it becomes painstakingly obvious that the communication has dissolved and a heard of elephants appear in the living room, yes?
Sometimes the sacred contract of a relationship is over and couples realized while they care for each other, they no longer have shared values or interests and they consciously uncoupled with kindness.
Other times resentment has built up over the years and both partners feel unappreciated and taken for granted.
Other times this is when a long-standing affair is revealed and huge betrayal needs to be addressed and healed.
Bottom line, in answer to your question, is this a sign? Yes, it’s definitely a sign to communicate authentically with your husband about where both of you stand. And if absolutely no communication is happening I believe it’s absolutely imperative that you hire a counselor such as myself to navigate these communications in a conscious and effective manner.
The way I work is an initial series of 6 Sessions… partially couple sessions and partially private sessions on the phone or Skype. In the case of full on crisis, I also offer a two day Intensive where the return on investment is even higher given the structure of 4-5 hour days and being with me in person.
While of course it’s easier to blame the other, one always experiences greatest growth when one can take full responsibility for one’s actions and see the other as an invitation for our own spiritual growth.
It’s important to be grateful for and process the lessons of Phase 1 of the marriage… up until the kids left. Then from a clean slate and we look forward to Phase 2 to see if there is one… to see where your values are shared… to see what the future you would like to create together.
Doing this introspective intimate inner work also shows your children that when there are times of conflict, you know how to maturely consciously step up, sit in the fire and do the authentic courageous work required for healing and creating of a successful happy future whether that be together or apart. Even though your children have left home, they are still watching and learning from you. You owe it to yourself, your marriage and your children to discover what’s going on and create the highest choices for everyone.
You can apply for a complementary strategy session with me at www.allanapratt.com/connect. If indeed you two are a 10 out of 10 ready to do the inner work to come back together in conscious communication, heal everything required… we will get to your deepest truth and discover if a future Phase 2 is viable. If so I will show you how to make it the most successful intimately connected one possible teaching you communication skills and intimacy rituals so that this level of silence doesn’t occur again.
I would be thrilled to hear from you and support you in such a worthy endeavor. The return on investment will last for the rest of your lives and teach your children such a valuable lesson in communication. Look forward to hearing from you, with all my love and compassion gentleness and potency, Allana xox
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
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Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
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