Sometimes we say the right things, “act” the right way, but you have this niggling feeling we aren’t fully there … That is because we really aren’t.
Its unfortunate, but the way society is sometimes women tend to look more available than they actually are. We know the right things to say and the right way to “act” but then as the relationship deepens something happens that highlights something missing.
One thing I know is no one ever wants to be unavailable in a relationship and often we don’t know that we are. We blame other’s expectations or demands. We see their wants as unjustified, we see ourselves as right. We see ourselves as needing to be free but really and truly these beliefs are often cover ups for the fact that WE aren’t comfortable getting close. we aren’t truly available. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be free or not being able to give into your partner’s every need. However if we aren’t even willing to negotiate, then we aren’t really showing up or available to the relationship.
There are key signs that suggest she is unavailable. These questions will help you take a deeper look …
* Her history in other relationships, how close does she get to partners and how long can she maintain this?
* Does she use her sexuality to resolve problems or bond with you?
* Is she rigid in how things SHOULD be instead of willing to negotiate with you?
* Is her plan so fixed you are just a role in it?
* Does she only see you when it’s convenient?
* Does she share with you when she is vulnerable?
* Does she freeze you out when she is under pressure?
* Does she avoid difficult conversations?
* Is she more focused on what you need to change than on her own behaviour?
* Is she too busy with friends or work or study to be present in the relationship?
* Is she active in some sort of addiction?
All these questions give an idea of how women can demonstrate their emotional unavailability without it being covert. If you’re in a relationship or dating a woman who feels unavailable to you then I suggest you run through the questions again and figure out which apply to YOU. Rarely do we stay in relationships with unavailable individuals unless a part of us is also unavailable.
To change this dynamic, start by looking at ways you can become more available to deepen the connect and then bring up the conversation with her.
Emotional availability is not something that a quick fix can apply to, however it is something can be worked on, as long as both people are willing to show up for it. The sooner you flag this, the better for everyone involved.