Let’s Not Give Up on Young Men MAGA Supporters

Long before the advent of cancel culture, I learned a basic humanitarian rule: never give up on people just because they are doing things we don’t like. There are plenty of exceptions of course, including those toxic individuals who want to hurt us, or who have hurt us in the past, or who in the present moment, are determined to destroy our nation.

As I am now in the third chapter of my life, I can certainly look back and count off the number of folks I have dropped, turned my back on, and never spoken with again. I lay these out as my bona fides by which I mean to imply that protecting my dignity and safety, and those of individuals I love, is always my first priority.

I believe there are far too many people who go on with miserable lives because they cannot bring themselves to leave a partner, a spouse, a family member, a toxic boss, and so on. I have no problem with taking any of these actions if the circumstances warrant.

But I want to disrupt and counteract the current tendency to give up on large groups of people just because we don’t agree with something they have done, or worse, because of their affiliations.

In my meditation groups for men, there are no entrance interrogations, no political tests, not even required eye-to-eye contact. None are relevant to our common essence as men. We sit silently together as men, as brothers — despite whatever causes we may support. And during the discussion, we speak from the heart, as individual men with varied preferences, experiences and affiliations. Applying basic respect, no one comments on what a fellow practitioner has revealed. We keep strict confidentiality and the determination to support mutual dignity.

In any case, the humanitarian rule I am suggesting must never be applied to a single individual.

A recent essay posted in the Good Men Project newsletter provocatively suggests that the much publicized “male loneliness epidemic,” and “widespread male alienation and disconnection from society,” are caused by MAGA parents raising boys to follow in their political footsteps.

Let us acknowledge here that there are many young men who do in fact follow MAGA ideology, but it is highly unlikely that they are blindly following their parents ultra-conservative, cult-like ideological movement. To the contrary, these young men have their own influencers.

Certainly there are references from the Old Testament which suggest that, under certain conditions, God punishes the children for the sins of their parents, and in the ancient world this was not an uncommon practice. Fundamentalist readings may apply such a literal interpretation, but for most Christians, and most other modern religious faiths, this interpretation has been banished.

The provocative essay goes on to list a basketful of characteristics that young men have presumably acquired from their parents. Although I am generally disinclined to apply monolithic qualities to any large group, it is worth noting here a selection of these qualities allegedly derived from MAGA ideologue parents. Young men:

• Possess a “dangerous sense of entitlement when it comes to the bodies of women.”
• “Are unable to tap into compassion because they have been repeatedly told is a woke liberal disease (sic).”
• “[For whom] violent, hateful, and objectifying words are viewed as normal.”
• “[For whom] the very idea of consent is unimportant.”
• “Who have no value for the truth or honesty.”
• “[Are] incapable of apologizing.”

This list is no doubt insightful material to many readers, and also inciteful to many others. It is ironic that while some of these descriptions appear valid, even useful, my sense is that this particular list is meant primarily as further provocation rather than objective validation.

So yes, the misogynistic impulses, the utter lack of compassion and empathy, the disdain for truth are all highly disturbing characterizations. Yet we must be compassionate toward those who have been so misled by various forms of indoctrination.

I agree that some young men feel this way, and it is a terribly sad predicament for men and women of their generation. And yet, I am hesitant to apply everything on this list to every young man who follows MAGA ideology. We should always avoid condemning young people for their views on politics or lifestyles.

For these young folks, these are not just political views. This is their future, and like every generation, they have the right to shape it as they see fit.

On the other hand, we are also free to express concern and criticism for the choices made by this group of men. Their views appear especially dangerous for women, very likely one of the influences behind the 4B movement and related “done with men” sentiments expressed by so many women today. And there is certainly no place in a democratic system for hatred, violence or an inability to decipher truth from nontruth.

Finally, and this may be the most difficult challenge, we must acknowledge that the tendencies as listed above are not coming solely from the young male followers of the MAGA movement. They are also coming from young men affiliated with a host of neo-right and left-wing influencers.

Young women may be dismayed that there appear to be fewer and fewer available men interested in relationships. The rest of us should be dismayed that so many young men perceive such a heart-wrenching lack of compassion and empathy in their worlds and in the future they are building.

Vic Caldarola is the founder and lead facilitator of the Shine a Light Men’s Project, a men’s mindfulness discussion program, and a member of the Still Water Mindfulness Practice Center. He holds a PhD in Communication Studies.

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