Let’s Spice Up Your Digital Sex Life

How do you become intimate when you are hundreds of miles apart?

Maybe your partner is on a business trip. Maybe you’re doing long distance, like us. Maybe you’re just exploring new ways to add joy to your relationship.

Whatever the case, distance isn’t as much of an obstacle today as it was some years past.

With a dash of open-mindedness and a little bit of effort (and okay, fine, maybe a bit of awkwardness), you don’t have to spend days yearning for that intimate, sexual connection. You can do it all online.

We should know, we’ve been in an LDR for 2 years now.

10 Simple Digital Intimacy Ideas

These are the digital sexual intimacy we use to feel physically and sexually fulfilled, 400 miles apart. Maybe this will help you too.

Learn the spicy art of sexting. There’s more to say beyond “what u wearin.” Talk about each other’s bodies, reminisce on the “best” sex you’ve had lately, imagine steamy scenarios. The key is to understand what turns each other on and connect about it.
Send SFW photos. A picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, one sexy (but safe for work) picture is worth a thousand “sexts.”
Send NSFW photos. If SFW pics are worth a thousand, this is worth ten thousand sexts. In the right time and place, NSFW photos skyrocket the sexual tension in the (virtual) room. Pro tip: learn to take good ones, lots of informational TikToks out there …
Send videos. Basically, it’s an extension of the previous two tips, although harder to learn. Don’t worry — there’s a lot of material online. Learn what makes short videos sexy, know what your partner likes, and go through the effort then and there.
Dress up. The power of attire cannot be underestimated. Learn what makes each other drool, and send pics or do video calls this way.
Use toys. If you haven’t been incorporating sex toys into your phone sex, you’re missing out — especially women. Find what you like, shop for toys virtually together, and send pictures/videos of you using toys.
Watch intimate videos together. Video call, fire up a video, watch together — connect over the visual and auditory stimulation. It could be videos of the last time you were together. I’m sure you’ll find something.
Watch each other. Enough said about this, I think. You know what I’m talking about.
Listen to each other. This is a great way to introduce variety to your intimacy. Also, a good exercise for men specifically, as we are often not as vocal as our partners would like.
Try out aphrodisiacs together. Go beyond a regular virtual date night, why don’t you? Try that sexy chocolate we’ve been seeing on our feeds with some wine, then tell us how it goes (we’ll do the same when we try it, too.)

It’s Not the Same, But It Wasn’t Meant To Be

Look, I get it. Digital intimacy isn’t ideal. It can be a bit awkward at first., there’s a lot of new things to learn. It’s just not the same. For couples who are going to meet each other soon, why go through all the trouble?

But digital sexual intimacy wasn’t ever meant to replace physical intimacy. We view it as another facet of our relationship, distinct yet complementary to real life.

Thus, even if you’ve been living together for 10 years, adding these to your arsenal of intimacy can do you a lot of good.

There are many things to learn about each other and yourself over the phone. For example:

What kind of communication turns you on
Fantasies and thoughts you can’t express in person
How you respond to pure visual, auditory, and mental stimulation

Personally, phone sex taught me to be more vocal and expressive, which my partner appreciates a lot. Talking about our wants and fantasies taught me how she wanted to be treated in person.

Both things massively improved our digital and physical sex life.

What do you think about these tips?

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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