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Have I ever crossed the line?
Is it okay to hug a female coworker?
Can I compliment her outfit?
How do I avoid being falsely accused of sexual assault?
These are just some of the questions that many men have been asking themselves in the wake of #MeToo.
The flood of sexual assault cases exposing the inappropriate and abusive behavior of several high-profile men—Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Kevin Spacey, Al Franken, Matt Lauer—have left many confused and concerned about what behavior is considered appropriate. This heightened sense of caution has even resulted in unintended consequences: men avoiding women altogether at work and companies canceling holiday work parties.
As a sexual assault prevention expert for nearly 20 years, I am encouraged by this “self-check” by men (and women). It’s an important first step in acknowledging that sexual harassment is a systemic problem in our culture. It’s also a crucial step for all of us—men and women—to engage in a larger conversation about how we are responsible for changing the culture so that sexual assault is not normalized.
There are a lot of myths, misunderstandings and questions about the topic, and a recent study by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) found that there are lower levels of awareness among men and young adults. So, let’s get the facts straight:
1. Consent matters. Sexual assault is unwanted sexual activity done without a person’s permission. This includes verbal remarks that are provocative or unsolicited.
2. Chances are you know someone who has been sexually assaulted. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience sexual assault.
3. False reporting rarely happens. Only 2-10 percent of reports of sexual assault are actually false.
4. Victims often know the person who sexually assaulted them.
However, I recognize that we all have found ourselves in situations where the lines aren’t so clear. If you’re unsure whether something is appropriate, ask and listen, or simply abstain. At the end of the day it comes down to respecting someone and their boundaries. We can all be leaders and role models and set a positive tone by reinforcing a culture built on respect and equality.
Bystander intervention, which is intervening before, during or after a situation when a person sees or hears behaviors that promote sexual harassment, is one of the most effective ways you can help. By distracting someone, calling out sexist jokes, catcalling, or simply telling a friend not to send an inappropriate photo on social media, you can contribute to creating a broader climate in which sexual misconduct is taken seriously and not tolerated.
We are in a watershed moment for sexual assault prevention, and this is a movement for women and men. We can build on this momentum not only by supporting movements like #MeToo and #HowIWillChange, but also educating and training ourselves on how to be a good bystander in our everyday lives and ordinary conversations.
We all have a role to play in preventing sexual misconduct, and I hope you are one of the many men that will join the movement to end sexual abuse once and for all.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
