Life Update: Pregnancy, Patience, and Paternity Panic

Almost halfway through this pregnancy journey, I find myself at a crossroads: to announce or not to announce.

At 20 weeks (well, almost), we haven’t had the anatomy scan yet, but the temptation to shout this news from the rooftops — or at least from my Medium profile — is growing by the day.

For now, though, I’m trying to exercise something I apparently lack: patience.

The Health Front

Let’s start with the good news.

We did the NIPT (Noninvasive Prenatal Testing) a bit ago, and everything came back negative — thankfully.

I’ve been feeling great, apart from the occasional lightning crotch that sneaks up on me like an uninvited guest in the evening hours. (Whoever named it “lightning crotch” deserves an award for accuracy.)

I’ve also started feeling little flutters, which is both magical and nerve-wracking because it reminds me there’s an actual tiny human in there.

But despite all this positivity, I can’t help but wonder if I should just… wait. Wait for the anatomy scan. Wait for the perfect moment. Wait until I feel more ready.

But when are we ever really ready?

The Holiday Party Revelation

And then there was the party.

My husband’s neurosurgery residency had its annual holiday gathering, and we decided — last minute, of course — to attend.

Now, here’s the thing: no one in his residency knows we’re expecting, which made the decision to go feel like the setup for a rom-com where everything goes hilariously wrong.

Spoiler: I’m visibly pregnant now.

The moment I took off my coat, you could see the wheels turning in everyone’s heads. Was I really letting myself go this soon after the wedding? (For the record, it was in September.)

Or were we indeed expecting?

Some played coy, waiting for me to confirm what they were obviously thinking.

Others… not so much.

When I finally let it slip, the reaction was a mix of joy, awkward congratulations, and sheer panic. You see, my husband’s paternity leave is a whopping two weeks (yes, a full 14 days), and all the residents could focus on was how this would disrupt their schedules.

Needless to say, the night was a lesson in how revealing personal news in a professional setting is always a bit of a gamble.

The Financial Tightrope

On the financial side of things, let’s just say the holidays hit differently when you’re expecting.

We’re still juggling bills like circus performers, but last week, we received a kind and unexpected donation via Venmo. It was a gesture so generous it brought me to tears, but it also reminded me of the immense pressure we’re under.

I’ve been trying to let my Medium articles breathe, following advice from 1Spot, but it’s another exercise in patience. I write, I wait, I hope for momentum.

And honestly?

It’s a test of endurance I wasn’t prepared for.

The Struggle to Announce

Which brings me back to this morning, sitting with the urge to announce this pregnancy to the world. The timing feels both perfect and precarious.

Should I wait for the anatomy scan or embrace the imperfection of now?

These are the questions that swirl as I navigate this journey of growing a human, maintaining a marriage, and surviving a residency lifestyle that leaves no room for grace.

But despite the chaos, I feel hopeful — and maybe even a little brave.

For now, I’ll leave you with this update and wish you all a joyful holiday season. Stay tuned for the next chapter, because if there’s one thing this journey has taught me, it’s that life is nothing if not unpredictable.

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Hi, I’m Fiona, a writer going through an unexpected chapter in life.

I lost my job in April 2024, and my husband and I have been getting by on his small medical residency income. After stepping away from IVF, we were surprised and overjoyed to find ourselves pregnant, but it’s added financial stress as we prepare for this new journey.

Writing is my way of contributing to our family while covering essentials like groceries, bills and maybe items for our 🌈 miracle baby.

If you’d like to support us, your kindness would mean the world — every little bit helps. $1, $2…Anything is appreciated. Donate here (Venmo).

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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