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“I’ve got such a mess between my ears, like dishes in the sink. Stuff I don’t believe just tumbles in, so I don’t have room to think”- David Wilcox (Empty Out the Inside of My Head)
These lyrics tumble through the brain of this recovering Type A, overachieving workaholic whose day to day activities cause family and friends express feeling exhausted just hearing my itinerary. They wonder not only how I do it, but why I do it. It harkens back to my history as a child with asthma and podiatric problems that I was determined not to slow me down. Think of the song Break My Stride by Matthew Wilder with the epic lines that could have been written for me specifically,
“Ain’t nothin’ gonna break-a my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on movin’
Ain’t nothin’ gonna break-a my stride
I’m running and I won’t touch ground
Oh no, I got to keep on movin’.”
I was determined to keep up physically and mentally; being a star student, if not a star athlete. I joined a swim team at age 11 as recommended by our family doc to improve the quality of my respiratory system. It also introduced me to meditation, as I would spend numerous hours swimming lap after lap and would count each one by the number of strokes it took to get from one end of the pool to the other. The water moved me, as well as me moving through it. A transcendent feeling accompanied it and although I was physically worn at the end of practice, I felt exhilarated and accomplished. More than an adrenalin rush. It fed my need to succeed.
As a therapist working with clients in an outpatient addiction and recovery practice, I recall a poignant and powerful statement from a single father of three teenagers. He was insistent that they clean up the kitchen after preparing meals, reminding them, “The sink is for washing dishes and not storing dishes.” How often do we store the dishes that represent the disturbing beliefs we hold so that they, like literal dinnerware accumulate stuck-on stuff? Imagine instead, running soapy water over them and allowing the remains to go down the drain. Washing dishes is one of my favorite Zen activities since it provides focused intention and combines the senses of smell, sight, touch, and sound.
Another potent metaphor is that of a glass half filled with water. Imagine holding it out in front of you. You can keep it still for only so long and then your arm begins to shake and with it, the liquid it contains. A few minutes more and the tremors may increase as the water sloshes over the edge, drenching your arm and the floor. It is only when you still your hand and the glass that it remains contained. So it is with our overactive brains. That is where mindfulness becomes a helpful tool.
Mindful Kiddos
One of my joys is teaching mindfulness for 4-6-year-olds at a daycare center. These tiny humans sit on the carpet, fingers sometimes in mudra, eager to engage in breathing, yoga, music, dancing, hugging and focus on here and now. We start the experience by ringing tingsha bells and putting our fingers on our lips and saying “shhhhh.” I then pass them around the circle and they each get to experience ringing the bells. They are also a tool I use when they over talk each other or me and need to refocus.
Mindfulness is Good Medicine
William Marchand, M.D., is a psychiatrist who specializes in mindfulness as a therapeutic tool. In his informative book entitled Depression and Bipolar Disorder: Your Guide to Recovery, Marchand says:
Focusing on the here and now helps individuals become aware of their negative thoughts, acknowledge them without judgment and realize they’re not accurate reflections of reality.
When we practice mindfulness, we experience these difficult thoughts and emotions. But we experience them as an observer – rather than being washed away by the never-ending torrent of cognitions and feelings that flood our minds. By becoming moment-to-moment observers of our thought process, we learn to just watch the deluge without getting carried away in the current.
Still Waters Run Deep
According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, author of Wherever You Go, There You Are, and the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.
So, how can we become mindful, instead of mind-filled to overflowing?
- Remind yourself when pulled into the past which is generally where depressing thoughts are formulated, “I am here and now, not there and then.”
As simplistic as that might sound, consider how often throughout the day, particularly when during stress-inducing circumstances, you hold your breath. - Observe what is around you. Remember the childhood game, “I spy with my little eye”? You can adapt it to, “I spy with my mindful eye,” and then state what you see around you.
- Engage in object awareness. Hold a flower, stone or strawberry in your hand and experience it with all your senses. Attempt to describe it as if to someone who has never seen it before.
- Full sensory eating. Pick a favorite treat and smell, see, taste, touch and hear it in silence.
- Wash the dishes or fold clothing with total attention to what you are doing.
- Take a walk. This too can be meditative as you focus on each step as a distinct movement. A labyrinth can be an effective tool to assist in slowing your movement.
- Hold a feather in front of you and as you inhale through your nose, imagine your favorite aroma. As you exhale, blow out through pursed lips as if you are blowing out birthday candles.
- Spend time simply sitting in nature. Listen to the wind, the water, the rustling of leaves. Feel the breeze or warmth of the sun on your skin.
Hold each moment with an open hand, remembering that if we attempt to grasp water or sand between our closed fist, it will slip through.
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