Logic is supposed to be a good thing; it helps us think effectively, but how could it be a problem in love? Why do logical people fail at building deeply meaningful relationships?
Answer? Because we humans are primarily creatures of emotions and not creatures of logic.
To succeed in relationships, the skill you need to practice is emotional intelligence and not logical acumen.
Listening can buy the kind of love that no other thing can
The secret of successful relationships is understanding.
Read this: What kills Relationships?
When our loved ones come to us to share their fear of traveling by air, they are looking for reassurance, not someone who can explain the mechanics of flights and the low probability of airplane crashes. This latter approach is logical, and it does not work. All it makes the other feel is misunderstood and not heard.
More often than not, we are aware that our worries are not reasonable, but we still feel unsettled. Example: My partner might move in with a female flatmate soon, which makes me uncomfortable even when our past together tells me he is trustworthy. Logic is not helping me settle my discomfort.
Logic is based on truth (the probability of plane crashes is low), but it does not help. When the other person uses logic,
- it feels as if they find our concerns trivial,
- because their logical answers make our problems unreasonable; the implication is that we are not sane.
Underneath anger lies fear and hurt
When people yell and respond with anger to situations, what lies underneath is fear and hurt.
The wise understand that humans have a craving to feel important. So the underlying reason behind resistance to change, behind big fights, is a need to feel heard and respected.
The art of succeeding in relationships requires you to do these things:
- making the other person feel heard,
- offering love and reassurance,
- having no resistance in accepting your mistakes from the outset,
- and believing in the fundamental goodness of people.
If you would notice, these points mentioned above are not very logical per se; they are answers to emotional insecurities. And if you think about it, maybe that’s what true logic in love is.
…
I am available for freelance content gigs; drop me a hello at [email protected].
Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
Follow for more similar insights.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
