It is difficult to have patience with the patient
We all get sick sometimes.
Illness, or injury, is hard enough. But long-term illness or injury requires more than just patience, it requires several heroic measures.
Here is a practical list, to help encourage, enlighten, but also aid you at times we all must face at some point.
Nurturing is part of nature
We first and foremost have to realize that caring for someone means they too, will care for you. This doesn’t have to come across as “transactional” or based on some selfish motivation. That is, it’s not true that we can only care for others because they are then obligated to care for us.
Although that is, in some ways practical, and pragmatic, it’s not the reason we should conclude when we nurture the sick.
We nurture one another because nature allowed us to evolve to do so. Our neurology is set up for empathy. Sometimes called mirror neurons, we have the hormones and the physiology to care.
Express sympathy along with empathy
Words help a lot. There are millions of encouraging words to provide when going through a challenging time.
When you feel stuck, it’s okay to explore more about what you think is the right thing to say according to tried and true expressions, what friends may advise, or even ask your partner, (or loved one) what they need most from you as far as expression.
Don’t press them to do your emotional labor, just let them know you love them and want to see how they feel about having that love and care expressed.
Think outside mere words, though, and do arts and crafts, walks and outings (when possible) write and read poems and stories for each other, play games, make jokes, share books and movies, and have as much fun as you can.
We all get tired. Stressed. Burned out. It’s okay to express thoughts and feelings that show you share the frustration of an ongoing situation.
As long you don’t make it into some kind of suffering competition, you can help another feel cared about but not burdensome.
Hiding how you feel, sometimes thought of as “sacrificing my own well-being” is usually not helpful. It can lead straight to conflict. Be caring, honest, and direct, but always have the perspective that you do not know how much your partner or loved one is suffering because you are not that person.
Words help a lot, and there are millions of encouraging words to provide when going through a challenging time. Think outside mere words, though, and do arts and crafts, walks and outings (when possible) write poems and stories for each other, improvise and play games, make jokes, and have as much fun as you can.
Don’t forget to make time for intimacy to whatever extent is possible, because our human yearnings are not “on and off” switches. Talk about this openly and communicate together clearly, again always with empathy and honest expression.
Take care of yourself and keep engaged with others
Along this same concept is the idea of filling your own drained cup before trying to fill someone else’s cup. Or, think of it as an oxygen mask in an airplane emergency.
You can make sure your loved one knows that you too need support because you wish to be generous with your support. This may mean inviting in other helpers.
More people who care means more social interaction which is healthy and helpful. In the case of an aging loved one, or someone who may have an impairment at any age, it’s good to assemble a team.
This is good for both the patient and the caregiver.
What about the threats to our relationship?
A serious illness or an accident can indeed change your entire life.
But all life, in the long run, is constant change.
The first thing to know is that if your spouse is the one who is sick, you and he/she are stronger than you think.
Be honest that it is a true challenge. But it is also one that will usually show you just how strong both of you are, how courageous you are, and how tough you are because your mettle is tested and proved stronger than you know.
Confidence and learning come from having challenges and living through inevitable change.
If you are human, there will be both “in sickness” and “in health” not just in marriage, but in all relationships you experience.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: Daniele D’Andreti on Unsplash