Loves Me, Loves Me Not

Expressing Your Love Matters to Your Marriage

Did your spouse tell you “I love you” today? Did you say it to them? Yesterday, the day before, last week? If so, great. If not, why not? Three little words that can make or break your marriage. And they, or at least the feelings they represent, need to be expressed often.

When I first got together with my husband, he told me not to expect to hear those words very often. The reality? He has said those words almost every day for the last thirty-four years. And if he didn’t actually speak the words, he showed his feelings. It’s one of the reasons we have lasted this long.

I was talking to a friend this morning and she mentioned that the guy she was seeing probably wasn’t the one. She mentioned that he hadn’t told her he loved her in several weeks. His view was that saying “I love you” all the time wasn’t necessary. Except—it is for her.

Maybe you are familiar with the concept of the 5 Love Languages developed by Gary Chapman. The five–words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and receiving physical gifts—are basic ways to receive love. Each of us has a preferred language. Some of us, me included are “bi-lingual”. If you are a “words of affirmation” speaker, then hearing “I love you” in words is critically important.

I would argue that, even if words aren’t your primary love language, it is still important to both hear and say “I love you” regularly. I am an acts of service and quality time gal but, when my husband says those three magic words, I know he is thinking about me. I think that was what my friend wanted to know. That this guy was thinking about her and that she is special.

If you suddenly took your last breath right this moment, would you know without a moment’s doubt that your spouse loved you? What if you never saw them again? Would they know how you felt about them? I think back to 9/11 and hearing all the stories about the last conversations many of the victims and their loved ones would ever have. In those moments of terror, they wanted those they loved to know it. As horrific as that day was, those expressions of love brought some solace.

There’s a famous expression about what happens when you assume. Assuming your spouse knows you love them is a risky path to take. Part of this is because we all pay more attention to the negative experiences we have with anybody than the positive ones. Without those acknowledgements of love sprinkled into their lives, there’s a good chance your partner will be unaware of their importance in your life. And believe me, that’s not the assumption you want them making.

I challenge you to be direct and intentional with your spouse. Small, consistent actions like saying “I love you” every day will go a long way to creating a happy marriage that lasts.

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