Love or fear?
Most men are not alpha males. Most men would rather feel love than the constant stress of competing. Most men simply want to also be loved, rather than sought after for their cars, income, status, physique, tech bro status, athletic prowess, or anything else.
There are popular and populist movements that suggest a man is only worthy if he achieves and maintains unrealistic goals. Usually, these stereotypes exclude men who are full of tenderness, empathy, generosity, and of every size, shape, color, age, and orientation.
Alliance building, collaboration with other men and with women, too, requires that we don’t put men in rigid, small boxes that restrict the power and strength of the many wonderful ways men can embrace masculinity.
Restricted roles also limit women. Women who have to compete for men cannot fully support the cause of equality for all. Men can, and do, bond during struggles, battles, military campaigns, and in sports. But most men in battles fully recognize the power of feeling for others, taking their troubles seriously, and contributing through the gift of this empathy.
The best leaders don’t dominate, they cooperate.
Domination suggests that we put fear into the hearts of making everyone else a rival. But real human beings don’t want more fear in life, they want connection.
Eyes on the prize
We are trying to become an inclusive culture that allows women to not be mere objects or prizes. What kind of culture do we build if we insist on making men some kind of unattainable prize?
When we hear the phrase “man up,” (which is even said among women) we should begin to understand that being a “real man” entails having a wide variety of sincerity, emotions, vulnerability, and a full spectrum of being able to not mask who we are, but how we share.
Recently, two elderly gentlemen, Trump and Biden, got into a silly contest about who had the better golf scores and golf course talents. It may have been missed because there were many other factors at play in the presidential debates.
However, it should not be missed by anyone who has ever felt unfairly challenged because they make more time for their children than they have for playing golf.
Or they speak up for a co-worker, or call out an injustice.
It’s time to comprehend the common man, not just in sports or business, but in boardrooms, bedrooms, gardens, and every other field from golf course to kindergarten, should include our real men.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Heike Mintel on Unsplash
