Men: 3 Improvements to Make Which Will Result in Attracting Better Mates

Fellas.

I’ve been speaking with men in one-on-one sessions to develop a strategy for self-improvement and success in the dating market.

There’s a recurring theme that I am seeing when I am speaking with clients.

You wish you had the key unlocking the door, giving you instant success.

I know there is a version of you that you think of that is full of confidence and has all the answers to attracting women.

Let’s slow down for a second.

It is not about having instant access to a model that changes your life overnight.

When you think that is the strategy to move forward, you end up with results you were not looking for.

Why?

You’re not focusing on quality.

It can become more frustrating because you focus on the what instead of the who.

You need to focus on the quality of women you are trying to attain rather than the idea of attracting them in general.

You make mistakes along the way because you focus on the wrong goal.

What if I told you increasing the quality of who you pursue will decrease the energy you’re forcefully putting into the dating market?

Before you get ahead of yourself, there is some work we have to put in on the front end.

…

The bar

There’s something that gets men to stumble and get stuck.

When I ask guys what they’re looking for, it feels like I am talking to them in a different language.

I talk to guys who can’t define their standards.

That or they’re too nervous to speak up about what they truly want in a woman.

It amazes me how often people can speak about what they want but can’t describe it.

I am not saying that men are clueless. Let’s calm down for a second if that reads harshly.

Guys, create a standard you live by and what you want to see in a potential partner.

You get stuck in the maze of putting women on a pedestal by the parts that don’t matter long term: looks, sexual interest, etc.

When you lock in on that, you tolerate nonsense because you have the wrong goal.

What do you want in a mate?

What behaviors do you want them to have, including their mindset, health, and views?

What do their past relationships tell you about the possibility of you being compatible?

When you develop answers for that, stop settling for less because you are overvaluing those unimportant items.

Think about your past and the amount of times you were laser-focused chasing a girl you knew was bad for you.

You are not missing out on anything by stepping back and refusing to go against your standard.

Warning: don’t become so consumed by this idea that you are shooing women left and right, not giving them a chance because of one glimpse of a negative characteristic.

But

Don’t be weak and forget the power of walking away.

Fork in the road

There is something that snowballs from creating a standard for your life and what you’re looking for.

You create a path for where you are going with your life.

Do you know what attracts high-quality women? A man with a path and a vision for his life who has a sense of direction.

I know we hear a lot of new media about women only wanting top-tier men and how the playing field is imbalanced.

I have two bits of information for you:

It isn’t new news, man.
Women aren’t looking for men in the top 10% on paper. They want a man they see a future with because they can envision themselves in the roadmap he created.

Women want to hear what your short and long-term plans are.

Women like to feel safe and comfortable. Uncertainty is not a place where women feel safe.

You don’t have to be at the mountaintop, but you better have started the hike to where you want to go.

You’ll find yourself linked to a supportive, motivating, and caring partner who supports your goals when there is a vision behind it.

How much have you heard a friend talk about “what they’re about to do?”

Years later, they haven’t done a damn thing. Even you think it’s lame.

The energy a woman puts into you will mirror the commitment to the goals in your life.

Quit

Do you want to know something that sounds counterintuitive?

When you want to attract high-quality women, one thing you want to do is stop trying so damn hard.

Women can tell when you are desperate or in chase mode.

They want to be a priority in your life but do not want to be the center of your attention and efforts.

They deal with enough people who are thirsty and want to go to any lengths to gain their attention.

Something you have to understand about women is they want to pair with the man they have eyes for, not the guy who is googly-eyed over them.

I’m not naive. I know that women like attention, but they don’t want a guy who is hyper-focused on chasing girls.

It’s a spidey sense they have. They can instantly tell.

When you approach dating with a calm and collected approach, it emits the energy of someone confident or content with their life until the right person enters it.

It translates to a woman knowing that you are patient and dating intentionally and not rushing into anything because you are overwhelmed by someone you put on a pedestal.

You’d be surprised how much time you save when you take a step back and are direct and intentional with your approach to dating.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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