A stranger reaches out for your help. Please don’t let her down.
Recently we received the following email, with the subject line “Who Can Help?”:
I found you whilst trawling the internet and am not sure if you can help. This summer my niece and 2 of my nephews were killed by a speeding driver. There is a whole morass of horror and issues with this of course, but what I am pondering at the moment is this.
I set up a memorial page on Facebook for the children and 99% of the likes and posts are from women. The posts from my sister are viewed and commented on 5 to 10 times more than the posts from my brother in law.
He is hurt and puzzled by this as it seems as if men don’t care and as if people don’t see his grief as important. Why is this? How can we change it? How can I help him?
We’re honored that she would turn to our readers at such a difficult time. I’m sure every guy comes at this from a different angle, so I’ll get the conversation started with my two cents:
I can only speak for myself, but I would be terrified of just the opposite of what your brother in law is feeling. In my mind, posting “I’m sorry for your loss” or some other Facebook sentiment would seem inadequate, like I was reducing his grief to the same level as a picture of what I had for lunch today. In truth, I don’t even know him, and your letter pains me. I can’t imagine dealing with that much heartache, and I wish there was more that I could do than offer you my positive thoughts.
In terms of helping him, I’d recommend trying to get him face to face with his friends. I know I’d be much more open in person than I would be online.
What are your thoughts on why you (or men in general) are reluctant to post on a memorial page in a scenario such as this? Please help this dear lady out and share your insights.
photo Lucas Guimaraes/Flickr