Even though this article is geared to men, women can be just as guilty of this and sometimes worse. But, sorry guys, this one is for you.
Technology is blocking relationships from success and repair
Where cracks in the foundation of a relationship are open for conversation and healing, technology has become both a filler and a jackhammer. So instead of having an awkward silence that might lead to a discussion that could repair a relationship that is struggling, you are using your time to play a game or watch cat videos(I get it, cat videos are hilarious and cute, but a crumbling relationship isn’t). Instead of looking at your partner while talking, you are half paying attention and get become instantly defensive if they tell you to put the phone down.
Because of this, how does this make your partner feel? Alone, sad, unworthy of your attention and unsure of where to go from here. You feel like the least important thing in the room.
Before phones became computers
I remember when we used to talk. Not about dumb videos or what someone posted on Facebook. Instead, we talked about our days, what we wanted from life and we laughed at each other(no cat videos needed). I felt more connected, confident, less alone, happy and cared for and about.
Don’t get me wrong; I love my smartphone just as much as the next person. I also laugh at dumb cat videos. But I always try to put my phone down or away as often as I can when I have time alone with my husband.
I want him to feel important, happy and worthy. Here’s where it gets tricky. I may choose to do my best, but my partner needs to choose to do their best too or now someone is feeling like the least important thing in your world.
How do we fix this?
Make a choice to do better and to be better for your partner. Set up personal rules for yourself like:
- Unless it’s work, put that phone away.
- If your partner isn’t on their phone, you shouldn’t be either.
- If it’s a date night, have a freaking date and be present for the person you love.
- Make an agreement with your partner that phones disappear after a certain time.
- If your significant other asks for your attention, give it to them. Look them in the eyes.
What are you going to choose?
At the end of the day, where should your priorities lie? If it’s with your cell phone, buy your own cat, and prepare for relationship failure. However, If you’ve gained some perspective, forget buying a cat (unless you really want one) and enjoy your happy, healthy relationship.
Making your significant other fight for your attention is incredibly hurtful and just plain rude(your mother is shaking her head at you right now).
Make your mother proud and put your phone away sometimes.
Photo credit: Zoranm, on iStock