An open conversation on our infatuation with boobs, plus cancer, depression, divorce, and more.
Listen to Real Men Feel, #154, “Men In Support of Breast Cancer” here:
Leadership & Communications Consultant, Darren Horne, returns to Real Men Feel to share his experience through his ex-wife’s battle with breast cancer. In the midst of a separation from his wife, Emily, she was diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. There was a reaction to get back into a relationship, but they pressed on and completed their divorce, while Darren stepped up his support in a different role than as a husband.
“The cancer hits and its really hard not to slip back into a relationship, because you just want to hug each other.” ~ Darren Horne
Darren owns up to some ego-centered thoughts and believes their history of working through his prior depression helped them navigate this life challenge as well. Our conversation touches on men’s infatuation with boobs, how Darren’s new role fits in the Hero’s Journey, and pondering depression vs cancer, all with a heavy dose of gratitude and authenticity. This episode sets a new high for movie references!
Read Emily’s original Facebook post.
I greatly admire Darren’s willingness and ability to speak the troubling thoughts that I’m sure others in his situation experience but keep to themselves. And of course that badass, Emily, as well!
Topics and Questions Include:
- (2:10) How has breast cancer shown up your life?
- (3:29) How did her diagnosis impact the divorce?
- (4:14) Ego kicks in.
- (5:55) Darren discovers his role; the cavalry.
- (7:10) This conversation has Emily’s approval.
- (8:38) If you were still married, how might her decision to get a double mastectomy hit your ego?
- (11:29) Did you see her as a warrior before the cancer?
- (14:03) How did she respond to your idea that your negativity caused her cancer?
- (15:18) Did doctors advise her to do the double mastectomy and have reconstructive surgery?
- (16:41) Were you married when she was diagnosed?
- (18:56) A really horrible thing Darren thought.
- (20:41) How to best support her mental health?
- (24:35) Did she ask for your support in any way that you didn’t want to do?
- (25:45) The benefits from bad mental health and the gifts in cancer.
- (28:18) There are tests to gauge your likelihood of getting sick, would you ever recommend that to your daughter?
- (31:18) Has this made you look closer at your own health?
- (35:51) Do you have any insights into what it’s like for a woman to go through diagnosis and treatment?
- (37:48) The male gaze.
- (40:11) The decision to not get breast reconstruction.
- (42:48) Celebrities and mastectomies.
- (46:06) Life, beauty, and our programming.
- (55:24) Was this easier to go through being divorced?
- (58:00) One of the stupid things we do as men.
- (58:48) Prognosis of the relationship and for Emily.
Watch Real Men Feel, #154, Men In Support of Breast Cancer, October 29, 2019
“Don’t save the boobies, save the woman.” ~ Emily Horne
Check out Darren’s prior appearance Men and Post-Natal Depression.
Read Darren’s work on GoodMenProject.
Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to [email protected].
Subscribe to the podcast at RealMenFeel.org/iTunes
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Scroll down to the author bio for all the links to access more #RealMenFeel
A version of this post was previously published on RealMenFeel.org and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo courtesy Emily Horne