For years I believed that men loved strippers and prostitutes and all kinds of seductresses in-between because those women were easy and essentially uncomplicated.
But coaching men has opened my eyes to see men and their sexual choices in a much different light – one that I feel every woman should consider, if she has an interest in loving a man and having a beautiful, fulfilling sex life.
Men love seductive women for one very specific and powerful reason.
Seductresses make men feel desired.
Many men are terrified of being rejected by a woman – even their wives. It’s up there with dropping off a cliff or being mauled by a shark.
Seductresses actually like the attention of men.
They go out of their way to express acceptance of men. They hold a “court” that is rejection-free and invite the masculine to play.
A Seductress, in her openness and unguarded body language, invites a man to exercise his prowess. Where so many men feel caged around women, being in the space of a confident, seductive woman is an invitation to be sexual – without apology. This is true whether a man is married for 20 years, or single and on the prowl.
While most women would want to be freer sexually (and invite their inner seductresses to play) many have been made wrong for their natural juiciness, or have been hit on by men who lacked integrity — so being sensually available feels risky.
At the same time, men are often made wrong for enjoying and celebrating a woman’s body and pleasure, so instead of expressing appreciation out loud or learning how seduce well and positively, they “dance” with women who pose no risk.
This leads to why so many men get hooked on porn, or sneak off to see strippers and escorts. It’s a longing to witness to female pleasure in all of its beauty, free of shame.
The sad thing is that so many of the forms men seek out are manufactured and therefore, not truly satisfying.
If the woman he loved would only give her pleasure (openly and shamelessly) it would be far superior to any seductress he pays for the opportunity — but a hungry man often takes what he can get.
Men want to celebrate and indulge in female sexuality.
The women they love have the power to give them this gift.
If a woman can learn to appreciate (really and truly) her man’s desire to celebrate her body and pleasure, she’s off to a very powerful start. Just accepting a man, sexually, is monumental and healing.
Then she can begin sharing herself more and more liberally, with greater openness and love.
It’s through the generous giving of her body and pleasure that she’ll come to know her true sexual power – to heal herself and her man’s wandering desire.
What do you think? Karen’s working on her next book and appreciates your input.
Photo: Pexels
I think the bottom line is that attraction and desire, and visual displays thereof, need to go both ways in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter much if you are a man or a woman, if your supposedly romantic partner never shows any desire for you, it’s bound to affect the relationship.
And I don’t think the purpose of this article is to replace the one with the other, but merely to point out that men often need to feel desired, too.
“It doesn’t matter much if you are a man or a woman, if your supposedly romantic partner never shows any desire for you, it’s bound to affect the relationship.”
Hello FlyingKal….Yes, that really sums it up!
Hmmmm.. Karen, Thanks for this piece. However, I think you have put the cart before the horse here. I think we need to start by asking one simple question: What drives female sexual desire? How can you expect a woman to be a seductress if she does not have a sexual desire for a particular man, be it her husband or boyfriend? We must find answers to these questions before we start suggesting that women become seductresses. Yes, I agree with you that we men love for our women to be seductresses. Why? Because, for the very reasons you state:… Read more »
Jules “How can you expect a woman to be a seductress if she does not have a sexual desire for a particular man, be it her husband or boyfriend……I am convinced that if a man has always “get her in the mood”, then we are talking about a woman who has no real sexual desire for this man.” Jules I fear you think the men that women desire the most never have to do anything …. The fact is , or let’s say my hypothesis is that they are quite good at seducing her . They are seductive .Even if… Read more »
Jules
Forgive me Karen from switching the focus from seductive women over to men . it is not meant to stop talking on seductive women.
One more thing Jules.
What exactly do the men that women feel sexual desire for have that other men don’t have? I mean what do these reliable ,honest good men with integrity that many women choose to marry, what is it they lack since they sometimes end up in sexless marriage ( sex less than 10 times a year).
Hello Iben!
“Some men are seductive . All the time , and they also like women.”
Yes!!!
That is EXACTLY what I have discovered Iben. Which is precisely why women have sexual attraction for them.
But, the irony of it all is that these men do not make good long term partners. Why? Because as you state, they tend to like women, not one woman. Women know this.
It still begs the question: Why would a woman marry a man that she has hardly any sexual attraction AND not think it is morally wrong?
Jules I watch chess today, from New York.
I have to come back to this question tomorrow.
For me it does not matter who wins in chess,but I love watching it,and the the analyses of all the possible moves,hour after hour.
Jules I am not sure how to understand what you say here “It still begs the question: Why would a woman marry a man that she has hardly any sexual attraction AND not think it is morally wrong?” Can you describe what you mean when you say “she has hardly any sexual attraction”? Do you mean she see him as simply good enough and she see her future marriage to one with sex with him that will be O.K .and that is enough for her. She knows looking at him ,being around him never give a deep longing in her… Read more »
Hello Iben! Actually Iben it all the things you mentioned. But, for me I wonder if women even consider the negative consequences and effects of doing such has on the man. This is what I am really getting at Iben. If she feels the sex is “just OK” or “so so” or her is terrible in bed, then obviously she knew this ahead of time. But, she also knew that ALL men love sex including the one she agreed to marry. So, now she decided to marry this man. But, she is not really sexually turned on by him. The… Read more »
Jules I don’t know anything about how often this happens that women marry men they are not turned on by. Some say women marry for love,men for sex. Here it says one third of men in America say they married a woman they are not romantically or sexually attracted to. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2104921/A-men-admit-marry-woman-NOT-love-with.html Maybe the percentage for women is higher. I am not qualified to tell. I agree with you that women ( and let me also add men) should be very aware of the importance of sexual attraction, and sexual compatibility when they decide to marry . Vanilla and kink should… Read more »
Iben, Hi! Thank you so much for responding. More importantly I truly appreciate and respect (as I have always) the depth on your response. You made a lot of very valid and real world pints Iben. Theses are all thing we as men and women deal with in life. Ultimately, we all seek joy, happiness, peace, love, respect and to know that someone cares about us and how we feel. While sex is important, these other things are really the essence of life in my opinion. But, when sex with the man or woman you care about or love is… Read more »
Jules
I was surprised when read this .
And what gave you this idea?
I can understand this view based on your experience in marriage.
But do really mean what you say here?
. “I don’t think sex is all that important to a woman’s sense of self and her self esteem. However, such is not the case for a man. ”
I do not want to offend you or hurt any mans feelings, but the truth is I see this a mans privilege. I hate this expression,but it is the only way I know how to say it.
Iben,
Your comment made me think…
I guess I have never read or met a woman who has express such before. I am accustomed to hearing women expressing how they feel about not being desired or feeling wanted…I just never equated that to be just sex, per se.
Anyhow, I guess it is a “dickcentric” view of things and as such is wrong.
Thanks for pointing that out to me Iben.
Can’t agree here. It is “regular” sex, which is better than no sex. But it is a wife’s passionate expression during regular sex that makes it good, more than just a release for the man.
Karen ,you ask “what do you think”.
I think you are wrong,and naive.
No offence but that is my thoughts .
Karen, It would be very nice for men to believe that women do in fact desire them and WANT to play. I think most guys believe that women who appear as seductresses are never telling their truth, there is always some hidden agenda (money or support) that the woman will not divulge and/or is just trying to entrap them. In addition, maybe most women don’t know how to be or are so fixated on the feminist ideals that men should respect their minds first. Feminist ideas about attraction are complete hogwash, men are initially attracted to the femnine qualities not… Read more »
Ted
“why can’t men also be seducers. ”
Men can Ted. Men can be seducers .
That is great and most welcome ,the way I see it.
The “feminist ideal” is that women want and should be valued as individuals with a brain. Yes, respecting a person’s bondaries and treating a person right, which only happens when you can see athat person as… a PERSON JUST YOU and not an object to do whatever you want to, is something both men and women desire. It should really come first, sorry ’bout that, male. Women have heard millions of men themselves saying they only want us because of sex. That our only purpose is sex, that we have no other values. We are c*mdumpsters, wh*res and b*tches who… Read more »
Luciana, Ted,
Y’all both suck.
I actually expressed that sentiment almost verbatim to my therapist not long ago: “I want to know what it feels it to be desired [by a woman]. I’ve never felt that before.” That idea really resonates with me, and I doubt I’m alone. As far as making a connection with frequenting strip clubs or hiring an escort / prostitute… obviously, not all men “love” those practices or the women involved with them. I suspect that for many, myself included, the idea holds more allure than reality. There’s a taboo factor as well. I lived a block away from the red… Read more »
I think you are going to get some pushback on this, from various angles.
But off the top of my head, I say this lines up pretty well with my own thoughts and experiences.