Before we start, I will be honest and acknowledge that feeling rejected doesn’t feel good.
You have a lot of ideas in your head about exploring a connection with someone, and it seemingly gets shut down before you can make progress.
Sometimes you don’t get to that stage. Cold-approaching women and trying to connect on dating apps has become seemingly improbable for many men.
Again, I am not going to act blind.
What if I told you there was a positive spin to rejection, and when you understand how the game works, you will know the advantage of rejection?
Yes, there is a positive spin to rejection.
No, you don’t get to take an alternative approach to participating in the game. Disclaimer: The game will always be the game. That won’t change.
There is something you can do to counter this dilemma you feel yourself spinning in the cycle through.
Whether you’re ghosted after a first date or hear the dreaded, “I just don’t see this going anywhere, ”it’s easy to let rejection shake your confidence.
What if rejection isn’t the devastating judgment you think it is? What if it’s simply part of the process — and even an opportunity for growth?
We’ll explore how to reframe rejection, bounce back with resilience, and approach dating with a healthier, more empowered mindset.
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It’s not you it’s me
It feels impossible to get rejected and curate a view that does not feel personal.
All the self-doubt and negative self-perception creeps in, and you start to rethink your worth.
Yeah, stop all that.
Let’s take a step back before the period when you were rejected and take an honest look at what happened.
Do you know what I dislike most about dating apps and cold-approaching women?
You most likely told yourself a glamorous story about who someone is based on a few pictures or your scale of their attractiveness in passing.
Because you are attracted to them, you have built a positive narrative when you have little to no details about who the person is at their core.
Let’s take another step forward and pretend you have engaged with them, and it went south.
What does that say about you?
We execute the playback through the lens of what we did wrong without acknowledging the other person’s experience.
Rejection is not always about you. Yes, there are times when you are not someone’s type, but what does that mean about your perception of your self-worth?
Sometimes, someone is going through an experience where they are not open or ready to receive someone into their lives.
Compatibility trumps attraction. You have only scratched the surface of what a healthy connection would look like with that person, and not making it past the “hello” stage has somehow turned into a painful event for you.
Step back and understand that you are searching for the wrong thing.
Walk away
When I talk to men, frustration grows with the amount of time they have invested in someone without receiving the result they were searching for.
That is the problem that most men need to eliminate.
I am a firm believer that we should stick to the old-school approach where men pursue women, but there has to be a point of ROI.
I have seen countless attempts to win someone over when you should look for effort in return.
Why do you consistently chase someone who is not reciprocating the effort?
Why ignore the signs that someone does not value your time and effort?
For example, I follow a simple strategy: Question, question, statement, gauge interest.
Whether I am approaching someone who has displayed interest or I am on a dating app, I will ask two questions maximum, followed by a statement.
The reason for this approach is that someone interested will reply to that statement with a question, which usually shows a form of interest.
When someone doesn’t, let it go.
You feel rejected because you don’t know how to walk away from a situation that does not serve you.
Practice makes perfect
Men should utilize their experience as practice. I will hammer this point home until men switch their approach.
No, I am not telling you to approach every woman you see and try to engage with them.
When you run into a situation where you did not receive the outcome you hoped for, use it as experience and move forward with a new approach.
When someone is not interested in you, it does not mean that you got rejected. As we talked about, everyone is not going to be attracted to you, and everyone is not going to be compatible.
That should not be internalized and perceived as a rejection of who you are.
Men don’t understand the difference between attractive and attraction. You can find someone attractive and not necessarily be attracted to them.
A woman can find you attractive and not be attracted to you. Her “no” does not mean your value has changed.
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Want to learn about 3 ways to avoid rejection here
Do you want to huddle for a 1:1 session to work through your dynamic? If you’d like a free 15-minute information and onboarding call about my offering click here or book a 1-hour 1:1 session (100/hr) here. You can also reach out to me on Instagram. here. or email me at [email protected]
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Sean Mungur on Unsplash
