You thought you were the only one, right?
You’re looking at the dating landscape, and it seems no one wants to work together anymore.
Every panel talks about why the opposite gender is the reason dating is falling apart or why everything breaks into categories.
No one wants to put in the work anymore, and “dating should be easy.”
I could be cynical and say that everyone is lazy.
By the way, everyone is lazy.
It goes deeper than that and isn’t just saying everyone is lazy, even tho they are.
I’m kidding. People want genuine connection, but modern dating has changed the landscape.
Even the thought of “modern dating” promotes different ideas in our minds.
It would be ridiculous to have the expectation that dating works like it did in your parents or grandparents’ time.
It is also ridiculous to overhaul and create a new model.
So, what is the middle ground?
That is the part that no one can agree on, and it’s affecting how modern dating plays out.
Everyone is opting to stay single and join the free floater society.
Have fun with that.
For those of us who haven’t joined the free floater society and want answers to what gas created this movement, let’s dig in.
Remember, I don’t write that soft, feel-good crap. I tell people what they need to hear.
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Pedestal
Do you know what I see more than anything today? I hear people talking about what they deserve.
No, I do not mean the standard things you should have in a relationship: A caring, loving, communicative partner.
It has gone beyond that. People have this idea of things they deserve that only 10–20% possess.
They often don’t possess what they’re hunting for, such as monetary possessions, fitness levels, educational background, lifestyle, and looks.
Guess what everyone hears, however?
You’re special, so you do deserve it. Go! (pronoun)
I’m going to break some news to you. You are not special.
I know people will destroy you for saying that.
Everyone wants equality until it’s time to label everyone equal in dating.
Modern dating has told people they can have it all, and they hold out until they meet a person with the 46376 characteristics on their checklist.
80% of people hope to meet someone on this unrealistic 20% playing field. It’s backward.
We ignore what made 80% of people equal and unique.
People would rather be alone instead of “settling” for an average or median lifestyle or person.
The average has become an insult today.
Do I have to factor in the economics of how the average has changed, sure? It blows my mind that people would rather struggle 100% alone than be 50% of something that grows over time.
Cinderella
Remember what I said above about the free-floater society?
Some of you don’t know what that is, so let’s break it down.
The free-floater society is the idea that everything is okay, timelines don’t matter, nothing needs to be defined, manifest it, and it will work out.
It’s all bullsh**.
No one is dating with intention anymore.
Everyone believes the Disney fairytale that they can wait until it comes true.
Again, have fun with that.
The free-floater society is the reason marriage rates are steadily declining.
Build-a-pronoun no longer exists, and everyone wants the finished product.
When you ask someone what outcome they want when dating, you rarely hear “marriage and kids.”
You hear, “When I meet the right person, I could see XYZ being possible.”
Then
When you ask someone how their dynamic is developing with someone they recently started dating, it’s noncommittal.
“I’ll see where things go.”
“We’re just having fun right now.”
“I don’t want anything too serious.”
It’s a classic display of one foot out the door. Leaving a crack on one side to participate in hook-up culture and on the other side of the crack, someone you’re semi-exclusive with that you can depend on or your emotional and physical needs.
Energizer bunny
Have you ever scrolled social media and seen a mme or a TikTok about how horrible dating is?
Well, the difference between you and your parents is in their days, courtship meant something.
It meant two people showed up prepared and excited to show their best version of themselves and bring energy to the dynamic.
Now, as we snowball from the pedestal and free floater movement, we have people who no longer want to put the work in.
Now, should you be thrilled at the idea of going on a date on a Tuesday after you had an exhausting weekend and have a 6 a.m. yoga class in the morning?
For those of you who thought I’d say no, you’re the problem.
I know you thought you were going to get a free pass there.
Get excited at the prospect of someone taking time out of their schedule to take a chance on you and try to develop a dating relationship with you.
Again, you’re not special.
People want to show up as 60% of themselves but get 100% of someone else as a baseline standard.
That is WILD to me.
The people who mope around, talk about how horrible dating is, and have a low energy level when navigating the dating field are the same people bringing negative energy to the table.
It spreads like a disease, and no one wants to put in the effort anymore.
More separation.
…
We have to shift away from this independent, free-floater movement and get back to putting in the work that creates healthy, long-lasting, stable relationships; enough of the separatist junk.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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