My mom was my fiercest and most ardent ally for more than 42 years.
When I told my mom I was gay, she made sure to tell me that nothing had changed for her. She said I love my son, and now I love my gay son.
My mom wanted the best for me, and for her, that meant being happy in life. She was concerned about how others would treat me if I continued to come out as a gay man.
My mom had not only been my mom for 20 years leading to me coming out to her; she had become my best friend. My mom was there for me; I needed to know that a parent loved me after my parents were divorced, and I knew that I was gay.
My mom taught me what it was to be an ally to another person by having my back no matter what. My mom was mistreated and, in some cases, disrespected as a divorced woman in the 1970s.
Those experiences taught her how to stand up for herself and fight back against unjust behaviors. She found her voice after the divorce and was rarely silenced after that.
I still remember her singing I Am Woman by Helen Reddy when it came on the radio many years ago.
Having my mom as my ally for more than 42 years allowed me to experience some fantastic support for myself and my life.
I have been reflecting on my mom since she passed away on August 7, 2021, and the thoughts about her being my ally have given me a tremendous sense of peace and pride about my relationship with her.
My mom exemplified the following that came to me when I was quiet, hoping to connect with my mom. I don’t know if this acronym was from her or not. I choose to believe that it is indeed from her.
An ALLY is someone who brings these elements to the relationship.
Acceptance: My mom showed me how to accept herself, which led me to accept myself. More importantly, she talked with me about accepting others unconditionally.
Learning: My passion for learning and teaching comes from my conversations with my mom about being curious about the world around me. When I get to know others, I have a better chance of being a supportive ally.
Loving: My mom indeed was the model for unconditional love, and she showed me how to love others despite anything that they said or did to her. She loved others whether they loved her back or not.
Yourself: The only person that I live with without any stories and judgments is myself. Mom taught me that in the end we only have ourselves. Being yourself and letting others see you for who you are is a gift to all.
Throughout my adult life in my career and personal life, I have had the opportunity to support others who were treated disrespectfully or just plain wrong.
I have said for years that I act as if my mom is watching or someone watching might know my mom.
This reminder is about holding myself accountable for treating and interacting with other people with respect. Now that my mom has passed, I am convinced that she is indeed watching over me, so all the more reason to honor her legacy and impact on my life as my ally model.
How do you support others in your life, or how do others support you? Being an ally has a big impact on our lives.
With much gratitude.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Image courtesy of author
