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A Much Needed Divorce
Matt Peregoy, Finksburg, MD
From Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission. By Hogan Hilling and Al Watts.
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Sometimes, a divorce is necessary in order for you to become the father you know you want to be. Sometimes, a divorce is the only way you can fully rid yourself of excuses for why you are not the father you know you can be. Sometimes, a divorce inspires you to become the husband you know you should be. And sometimes, you may have to divorce yourself from something that is consuming your life in order to fully embrace the family you should have been embracing all along.
Here is my divorce story.
I walked in the door with a Ricky-like, “Honey, I’m home!” fully expecting the residents of my kingdom (my wife and daughter) to be excited for me to be home at a decent hour. My expectations came crashing down when I walked into the living room. My wife was sitting on the floor, in tears, holding our crying daughter. “I can’t do this alone anymore,” she sobbed. Those words cut me deep, like a spoon in the heart, dull and painful beyond all explanation.
I was blissfully unaware of the stress my wife was experiencing while raising our baby girl.
She was essentially a single mother for an entire year while I was working between sixty and seventy hours a week at my job as a newly promoted retail store manager. I would often leave the house before she woke, and sneak back in long after dinner was cold, sometimes after she was asleep. I was always on call, and always working late. I worked every weekend and holiday for a salary with no overtime. I felt like I was married to my job and parenting my employees.
While I was pursuing success via sales and profit bonuses, my wife was keeping the house, walking the dog, shoveling the snow, pumping the milk, doing the doctor visits, not to mention caring for every other need of our breastfeeding infant.
In that moment, my wife made a desperate plea for me to be more present in our home. We began a series of conversations that lead to me becoming an at-home dad. I had believed I was doing my part by bringing home a paycheck, but there was so much more! I needed to be participating in raising our child and pulling my weight around the house as well. I needed to be a better husband and father, and my job was my excuse for not accomplishing it.
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So, I divorced my job. I let my employees be adopted by the succeeding manager. They’re all doing just fine. I do miss them sometimes, but my new job as an at-home father is the most rewarding career I have ever pursued.
I get to see the fruit of my labor every day as I watch my child grow. I can invest my quality time into her development and well-being. My quality of life has improved, my parenting skills have improved and, most importantly, my marriage has improved as a result of me getting honest with myself about my addiction to work. By being totally open with my spouse, I was able to make the changes I needed to give my family a better life.
You might not want to be a stay-at-home dad like me, but there may be a dozen other ways you can improve the quality of life for your family.
Ask yourself if you are addicted to anything that keeps you away from them. Be honest about your excuses for not being the husband or father you want to be. Man up and take the positive steps to fix those areas. Maybe, like me, a divorce from those excuses is in order. I promise the happiness your family will experience as a result of the divorce from your excuses will outweigh any pain you experience by divorcing them.
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Matt Peregoy is a graduate of Messiah College and lives outside Baltimore, MD with his wife and daughter. When he is not busy daddying, he enjoys gardening and making music.
Hogan Hilling is a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books. Hilling has appeared on Oprah. He is the creator of the DADLY book series and the “#WeLoveDads” and “#WeLoveMoms” Campaigns, which he will launch in early 2018. He is also the owner of Dad Marketing https://dadmarketingconsulting.wordpress.com/, a first of its kind consultation firm on how to market to dads. He is also the founder of United We Parent, www.unitedweparent.com. Hilling is also the author of the DADLY book series and first of its kind books. The first book is about marketing to dads “DADLY Dollar$” and two coffee table books that feature dads and moms. “DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century” and “Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.” Hilling is the father of three children and lives in southern California.
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Originally published in Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission.
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