I can’t remember three simple lines. But I’m a writer, not an actor. But still, three lines of dialogue shouldn’t be that hard to remember. And yet, for the life of me, my mind went blank each and every time.
All I had was one scene for the show. I was to play myself. That’s it. I was my own character, and I should know me very well. And yet, I couldn’t say three little lines.
I kept looking at the rest of the set. There was the writer of the show handling the boom mic as they were shooting on location at the HomeDadCon. HomeDadCon is the annual convention for at-home dads. Then there was the director, the PR person, and the extras-which were dads recruited from the convention. Everyone had their job and knew how to do it except the guy that wrote The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad. He, as in me, was a freaking disaster.
“Action,” the director said and I immediately thought to myself Ha! He actually said action! That’s a real thing. I forgot that I was supposed to be acting and we had to start over.
“Let’s do another take,” the director said. Wow! They actually said take!
“Speed,” said the cameraman. I don’t know what that means!
“Action!” said the director. He said it again!
And like always, I would forget one of my three lines. I’m a guy that lives on experiences. I crave those moments in my life that I know will stick with me. The funny stories that happen to the kids and me or the disasters I’ve faced with my other dads. And this was one of those moments because I was 99% sure I would never be asked to act again.
“Wait, wait, I speak Shannon,” said Mick, the dad I went to HomeDadCon with. Mick and I have been friends for over 15 years. We’ve raised our kids together. He’s the first name in my book when I talk about dad groups. And apparently, he speaks Shannon.
Mick went to a table and did something. I’m not really sure what because I was still wide-eyed looking at everything. I couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of me acting. Then I would get frustrated with myself which made me laugh even more.
“Here,” Mick said. It was a copy of my book, but in this case was also a prop. I was to act like I was signing it. And there where I would sign, Mick had slipped my lines. He does speak Shannon, apparently.
This calmed me and helped root me in place. Mick’s actions, and his ability to “speak” to me, has always helped me focus. And as I played take after take in the scene, he saw what I needed and then acted unprompted. This is not to say that the rest of the scene went smoothly, but I was more comfortable knowing that someone was watching out for me.
For the rest of the conference, I paid a little more attention to the guys that were there. Certainly, I spoke to a ton, but often I was content to watch. There were always guys that were breaking away from larger groups. Three or four of them would head off to a corner and spend an hour there. And when I did that myself, it was more than just catching up with old friends.
I saw new dads welcomed into the fold without reservation or qualification. I saw older dads answering questions left and right. “I’m having a problem with my kid’s school. How do I handle that?” or “I can’t figure out our bedtime routine.”
But the questions that got answered were more than just about how to take care of kids. It was about how to find friends, is there such a thing as bowling pigeons, and where do I get a timing belt for a 1953 Chevy? Okay, no one asked that question, but if they did, I’m sure someone there would have had an answer.
What really struck me is how many people had their Mick. The guy that they could turn to and get support, and if not that, then a few quick words to help them find their center.
I interviewed Matt Schneider once. He is one of the founders of City Dad Groups. They support dad groups in 41 different cities. He told me that it was important for dads to find mentorship. It’s a quote that has always stuck with me, because this is what I was seeing at the convention. Mentorship.
I’ve talked about male loneliness here in my column and other places. I’ve explored the question as to why this happens. Some of it is self-inflicted, and some of it is based on societal expectations. But it’s tough to find answers to how to solve it.
This is one of the ways. By attending conferences like HomeDadCon you can make a connection that is more than superficial. It’s at these places where we can step back for a minute and truly get the support we need as fathers. That mentorship not only shows us the way but allows us to lessen our burden as parents.
Everyone needs their Mick.
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
