Question: I am in love with my best friend and I have been for years. She has put me in the friend zone prison and I don’t ever see myself escaping. How can I get her to see me as more than a friend? She is consistently complaining to me that she can’t find the right guy and I just want to scream “I’m right here!”
Answer: This is the best question! Ok, how frustrating, right? You guys are close, you probably share similar values, you communicate with ease, all the foundations of an amazing relationship; yet, the spark has not been there. You have been in love with her for years and clearly haven’t said anything for fear of losing her, right? That’s the risk, you tell her, she freaks, and then you are not friends anymore. So you would rather settle for friendship than nothing.
One thing I see in common with men that are in the friend zone is they are not using their sexual energy. He is seeing her and communicating with her, feeling her in his heart, but he is not in his pelvis, he’s not in his balls. He’s not letting her know that he is sexually attracted because he is afraid that he will come across the wrong way so he just shuts off his sexual energy completely, does the friend zone for awhile, and then wonders why he can’t escalate to turning her on.
We need to feel all of you. We need to know you can see us, you can feel us with your heart, and we need to know that you are attracted to us. It will awake something in us, if indeed there is a chemistry/attraction there. So I would say start to turn that on. Now, don’t turn it on to a ten, turn it on to a one or two, maybe a three or a four – I wouldn’t go past a five – nothing more (more is for the bedroom). Start to let her know. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Do you want to just have more of a life of being fake, settling? No! So we are going to change that and we are going to have you showing up fully in your life and you will have a wonderful partner. If it is her – awesome! And if it is not, you need to breathe, feel the pain, and move on to find someone who does want to be with you. Either way, it is time to show up, deeply, and move forward.
What I am asking you to do is terrifying, I know. I would love to support you. I coach men like you all the time and we have amazing breakthroughs and there have been a couple of friend zones turned into romances and I will be honest, there have been a couple where she didn’t want that – she wanted the friendship only and it crushed him, and then he got over it, and then he was stronger than ever and he realized who to be the next time and then met somebody great.
So definitely go to gethertosayyes.com if you haven’t yet, download my complimentary report and my video series, and then if you want to talk to me about coaching and you are ready to handle this, then let’s get in a coaching package, partnership together, and deal with this once and for all. It’s time to show up at least to receive what you have always wanted. If you don’t ever show up, you can’t have it, right? So let’s be bold, be vulnerable, and be a noble bad-ass. Let’s do this!
Thank you for your question.
All my love,
This post was previously published on allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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Photo credit: Allana Pratt