My Friend Stopped Cussing and It’s Hilarious

My dear Pamela

She’s the sweetest, most fairy-like, angelic girl you’d ever meet.

She also talks like a sailor.

I knew right away she would be my new best friend forever, but the cussing was a bit much for me.

I have delicate ears.

I told her that I am mindful of energy and that language doesn’t sit well with me when used in excess.

I don’t care for the energy and harshness of those words.

I once heard that the reason certain words are considered offensive is because sharp, heavy consonants are grating to the senses. Depending on how we say these words, they can energetically unsettle and aggravate people — which is why we use them when we are mad or angry at someone.

Apparently people prefer the sound of vowels.

Her solution was not to eliminate them in our conversation, but to replace them — which proved to be utterly hilarious.

She became quite good at catching herself at the last second, which meant that the replacement words were never well thought out.

…

Now I hear things like…

Things that have come out of her mouth — and with tremendous passion and intensity.

“I can’t believe that SHINY HORSE RAT said that.”

“That guy is a RAINBOW DONKEY CRACKERS joke….”

“SPARKLE SNOWMAN CAKE, that line took forever.”

…

I won’t lie. This little change has made our conversations way more fun.

And oddly enough, it also shifts the energy when she needs to vent a bit. No matter how fussy my girl is, she will bust out laughing once she hits her replacement words.

Best entertainment ever. ❤

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***