There was a period in my life where I was lost.
Not dramatically. Not in a way that was obvious from the outside.
Just stuck. No clear direction. Money wasn’t coming in. I wasn’t trying hard enough to change that and somewhere deep down I think I knew it.
And my girlfriend almost left me because of it.
Why She Almost Walked Away
It wasn’t because she stopped loving me.
It was because she loved me enough to refuse to watch me give up on myself.
She sat me down and told me she couldn’t stay if I wasn’t going to try. Not because she needed me to be successful. But because she could see what I was capable of and she wasn’t willing to pretend she couldn’t.
That’s a different kind of love than most people ever experience.
Most people leave when things get hard.
She stayed. But she refused to let me use her staying as a reason to stay comfortable.
What She Actually Did
While I was lost she was problem solving.
Money was tight. She came home with a plan for how we could spend less and make what we had stretch further.
When I got sick she used her own money to take care of me. No hesitation.
She was carrying weight I should have been carrying myself. And instead of resenting me for it she kept showing up.
Not because she was naive. Not because she didn’t notice.
Because she had decided I was worth showing up for even when I hadn’t fully decided that about myself yet.
What That Taught Me About Partnership
I tell her everything.
Every fear. Every win. Every small thing that happened during the day that doesn’t matter but I want to share anyway.
Some people don’t understand that. Some guys think there’s something weak about being that open with your partner.
I genuinely don’t care.
Because here’s what I’ve learned.
You don’t get to choose your parents. You don’t get to choose your siblings. You don’t get to choose your children.
You get to choose one person.
One person you decide to build your whole life alongside.
So why would you choose someone you can’t tell everything to?
Why would you settle for someone who makes you feel like parts of yourself need to stay hidden?
The Real Thing Most People Are Looking For
Stop looking for a girlfriend.
Stop looking for someone impressive to show off or someone comfortable to pass time with.
Look for a best friend.
Someone who calls you out when you’re giving up on yourself. Someone who problem solves with you instead of adding to your problems. Someone who shows up with their own money, their own energy, their own belief in you on the days you can’t find your own.
That’s not a girlfriend.
That’s a partner.
And once you find that you’ll understand why I tell her everything.
Because why wouldn’t you?
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.
Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.
Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!
***
–
Photo credit: Age Cymru On Unsplash
