My Guy Friends Think Dating After Divorce Isn’t Easy

I take a seat at the bar. My friend joins me a few minutes later. There’s a guy sitting on my other side. I turn toward him.

“Hi,” I say.

“I’ve met you before,” he says.

“I don’t think so,” I say. “I wouldn’t forget meeting a guy as good-looking as you.”

My friend laughs when I utter those words.

It wasn’t a lie.

“Actually,” he says. “I saw you the other night. I tried to get your attention to say hello but you didn’t see me. I met you at the pool this summer.”

“Oh,” I say. “I remember. You were nice enough to move down a chair to give us girls another seat. You were funny. I definitely remember you.”

I watch the young girl on the other side of him. She’s annoyed that he’s chatting with me. I have only one thought. Does she not see the ring on his finger? He’s married.

This is the irony of dating.

When you’re not available you get all of the attention in the world. When you are available it seems impossible to meet someone. My girlfriends and I talk about it all of the time.

It’s not only us.

My guy friends find divorced dating equally as challenging.

These are great men.

They are handsome, smart, fun, funny, sweet, kind men who are all around good people. But it’s no easier for them to meet a nice woman. They’ve run the gambit as we have.

They’ve tried bars, online dating, friend introductions, etc.

It’s just not easy.

My friend who’s married said something recently that made me laugh. Another friend of ours divorced this past year. We were at a get together at her home.

Married women get a kick out of hearing our dating stories.

They live vicariously through us.

“It’s like going to a thrift store,” she said. “You never know what you’re going to happen upon. You just have to keep going, and dig a little. It’s exciting.”

I guess it does sound exciting when framed that way.

It’s a little less of a thrill out here dating in the wild.

I’ve always had a lot of guy friends. I feel fortunate that way. I love having, and hearing their perspective on things. They can provide much-needed clarity on other men.

I’ve learned to take their advice if they don’t like a guy I’m talking to.

They can pick up things I’m unable to see.

Dating after a divorce isn’t easy whether you’re a man or a woman. It can be frustrating. Ironically, these guys’ stories make me hopeful. It proves there are good guys out there after divorce.

Albeit, hard to find.

The other day I was chatting with my friend and her husband. They’ve been married a long time. It’s always great to see a couple that is happy together.

They were telling me about how they met.

“I made terrible choices before I met him,” she said. “I was engaged twice. I think I made a good choice with him because he chose me. He sent me a note at the bar.”

“She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” he said.

Okay, maybe this is why they are still happily married. They’re both still good to each other, and crazy about each other. It’s refreshing to witness.

“You two are lucky,” I said. “It’s not easy out there dating after a divorce.”

“You know what you need to do,” he said. “You need to ignore men. You need to show zero interest. I’m telling you it works.”

I thought about the guy I met at the pool. He’s obviously cute, and nice but he’s not interested in anyone. He’s happily married. Yet the girl next to him wouldn’t leave him alone.

In his own way, he was trying to ignore her.

It’s probably why he started talking to us.

She was shopping at the wrong thrift store.

But as I mentioned, when you’re not available you get all of the attention in the world. When you are available it seems impossible to meet someone.

I think ignoring men might be the right dating advice.

And pool guy proved it’s probably good advice for men too.

We shall see.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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