A PICTURE-PERFECT SCENE
Imagine. You have hand crafted flowers. They are made into heart pieces. Everything symbolizes love. The name of the restaurant. The effort of his planning. Your name is inscribed on each piece. The gesture is symbolic. The box is wrapped in the colors of passion. The expression on each face timeless. The catch? You decide to ask him what his true feelings are less than 24 hours later.
This was quite an experience.
Some people cannot fathom a genuine gesture. Symbolically I once offered my heart to a woman. I communicated its purpose. I crafted it physically.
Despite these truths I was accused of it belonging to another.
The result? I told her it must be for someone else since she gave it back.
Some cannot see good in any action.
There is self-sabotage in the root of every movement. Harmony is not allowed because inside self-harmony is broken.
OUR JOBS CANNOT BE
Convincing you every day we love you. I mean that ladies. I understand people need reassurance. We are humans. It is understandable to look for reassurance. Reassurance comes in times of need. Crisis is often a time to second guess if a person is who they are.
There is opportunity for a person to reassure you during moments of hardship. There is no burden showing up at times of crisis. Love compels you to prove yourself during these hardships. I welcome it.
The time for reassurance is not the morning after a phenomenal evening.
There is self-sabotage in the root of every movement. Harmony is not allowed because inside self-harmony is broken.
Asking a person what their true feelings are after disregarding how they express them is a sign of insecurity. Nobody can help you with this.
Further it is a red flag. Trust issues, unresolved hurt and emotional damage is what this action symbolizes. The reason a man may disengage after this question is because it’s not a question. The question is a statement. It is a statement about your inner self.
People can only be in relationships once they are healed, emotionally stable, and find themselves.
Acting this way shows a man you are in no condition to be in a relationship.
DRAWING CONCLUSIONS FROM UNRELATED EVENTS
Ladies it is important you never take unrelated events as a basis to justify your personal situation. It is important to not link a professional engagement with the basis of how a man will make love to you for instance. These two events have zero correlation.
If you catch yourself looking around the internet for a reason to justify your insecurity it means you have inner work to do.
People can only be in relationships once they are healed, emotionally stable, and find themselves.
Anyone can find anything they want. It is a matter of perspective. Perspective is rarely objective. Perspective is a single vantage point. It takes multiple vantage points to see an entire picture.
AVOID STATEMENTS TO MEN
Ladies if your first action is to tell a man something, provide your evidence to support it and blind side him after a seemingly good experience…you will most likely interrupt an emotional connection.
This is especially true if your relationship is under a month old.
You cannot rush love. You cannot pressure marriage. You cannot give the heart an ultimatum.
It is not a favorable character trait for a person to accuse someone of something and state the accusation as fact.
It is insulting. This is especially true if it turns to be false. None the less creating conflict for feelings of the heart when actions show otherwise is not wise.
THE BETTER COURSE OF ACTION
The better course of action is to explain your feelings. If the man cares, he will listen. The man will attempt to navigate your feelings with you. It helps to not attack a man and allege he is the reason if he has not done anything to you.
You cannot rush love. You cannot pressure marriage. You cannot give the heart an ultimatum.
I mean this. Objectively, if a man has not done any action to you and you are simply reconciling where his heart is in the relationship an attack is not the answer.
This shows aggression. Aggression is not good in any relationship. Neither man nor woman should become aggressive towards each other. Making statements of the heart as facts is not good either.
Everyone has feelings.
CONTAINER ISSUES
These issues result from extreme negativity bias. Typically, you find this in individuals who will turn something positive into a negative. They also stone wall (a psychological term) where they do not allow the offender to offer any rational justification for behavior.
People in these instances will flip every action you do into a way to support their perception. This will even come from unrelated events.
In my instance, an unrelated professional engagement was used to justify why my heart was given to someone else. Ironically, the engagement included an audience of multiple people (men were among them) and was in my capacity as a professional writer.
This was done less than 24 hours after an evening which took me an entire day to plan, prepare, and create. The experience was in the first paragraph.
I was met with accusations, evidence to support the statements and an aggressive demeanor.
This is an example of a person who has container issues.
The woman took my professional work to justify a pacification for her insecurity and disregarded my genuine actions to communicate my feelings.
As a result, I simply agreed to her erroneous conclusions. I wanted a peaceful end to an unprovoked attack. I realized my heart must belong to someone else if she could disregard all my effort because of something so absurd.
DO THE WORK TO AVOID THE LOSS
Ladies it is important you learn to evolve from childlike mindsets. Men must do it too. We cannot allow ourselves to be driven by impulse. What separates us from animals is we have capacity to reason.
We can withhold an impulse to understand where it comes from. Once we unlock the root of the impulse we can choose how to feel. We are one of the few species in this planet which can choose feelings.
Make your choice to do inner work to discover your triggers. Once you discover your triggers find out why they exist. Often you will discover it has nothing to do with another. Most of the time your responses have everything to do with you.
Don’t be the reason why the man you prayed for walked out of your life. It has everything to do with you and nothing to do with him. I hope this article helped you.
To Your Knowledge Success!
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Resources:
1) The life of Christopher Knight Lopez a Professional Hustler turned International Best Seller and Published Author of “I Made It Then I Didn’t”.
2) University of Pennsylvania. “From Negative Biases to Positive News: Resetting and Reframing News Consumption for a Better Life and a Better World”. Edwards Henry. August 15th 2017. Accessed November 2 2022.
3) University of Illinois at Chicago ProQuest Dissertations Publishing. “A Schema-Based Account of a Negativity Bias in Collective Future Thinking”. Sushmita Shrikanth. 2021. Accessed November 2 2022.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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