My 31st birthday is in two days and as I invited my friends out for a celebratory dinner and drinks, the first thing they asked instead of “where and when.” was “Is A gonna be there?”
This comes shortly after I vented to them about our most recent argument. I had gotten over it, why can’t they? They told me to dip, to stop talking to him, leave, he’s a walking red flag — all because of one issue in 4 months?
If I had treated them the same way about the guys they date they would have a field day. Friend #1 is in an on again, off again relationship with a man who wont commit to her and friend #2 is dating a narcissist, money hungry, pretentious ass-hole. And we all know friend #2’s boyfriend cheats on her but we don’t say anything about it.
I encourage them to trust their guts and to go with what they need to do and they encourage me to “leave him because there is better out there.”
What they don’t know is how he treats me. While friend #1 gets treated well in public, her partner barely speaks to her in private and friend #2 has a similar issue. In private they’re the perfect couple but in public? He doesn’t acknowledge she exists because it’s bad for his brand. Have I told either of them to leave? Not at all. Not once.
Why is it that women are always pushing other women to go back to a life they left behind?
I like to believe we all want each other to win. But what some really want is that one person who isn’t doing better than them.
It seems like a stretch right? Well from the beginning they were skeptical of him. Listen to your friends? Right? They see what you don’t? They’ve never met him. Only pictures, they don’t have him on social media, they have never had a conversation with him. So where is the problem.
The way we met, the way we got together, how fast we committed to each other.
41 days was too soon for them. They needed more time. More time for me to see his “obvious” flaws. For me to not fall in love. More time for me to stay the single friend. More time for them to remain the center of the relationship bubble. With me sitting on the outside as the 5th wheel.
All of this sounds so trivial, so…dumb.
But here’s how I know it’s true.
They haven’t met him. They haven’t seen me with him. They don’t even know his last name. All they know is I stopped complaining about bad dates and started talking about an amazing man that I met at a Hibachi restaurant. I stopped giving them details about bad dates and started giving them details about the gifts left at my door and the laughs at 2am.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: freestocks on Unsplash
