Coming out redirects your life for the better by cutting out those that have no place in your story and by bringing those that truly love you closer to you.
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Coming out is a scary thing, whether it be as poly, gay, trans, a member of the Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism community (BDSM), or anything that you’ve hidden for fear of how others may react. It’s a daunting task at the top of your To-Do list that you just keep putting off but you know eventually has to be done. It’s scary, thinking about all you could lose and all you will face after you close the door to the lies you’ve been living and open the door to honesty. Coming out is the most frightening moment of millions of people’s lives, and two days ago I struck it off my To-Do list.
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My mother tried to force me into being the person she wants me to be instead of being the person I am.
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I remember coming out as bisexual when I was in middle school. My mother shunned me and treated me as if I was no longer her child, rather some fad stricken alien that liked boys and girls because “all the cool kids were doing it.” I remember coming out and trying to cope with the fact that my mother no longer loved me. It was hard to comprehend that just because I addressed the fact that I was bisexual my mother no longer looked at me the same. I was no longer the person she thought I was. It’s hard to think back to those days. When I came out to my mother so many years ago she treated me as subhuman. Now that I look back on it, I realize that my mother’s actions two days ago shouldn’t have been surprising to me. Her actions when I was in middle school led me to self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I haven’t thought about that time in my life for a very long time, and now that I look back on it, I remember why I hid my sexuality and gender away for another time.
Two days ago I posted about being trans on Facebook. I explained that pronouns didn’t bother me, names don’t annoy me, that I would most likely never get bottom surgery, and that I am still the exact same person. I don’t have any family on my Facebook to avoid drama, so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem. I planned on telling my mother eventually, but not quite yet. I felt like her reaction wouldn’t be as accepting as the people I had chosen to surround myself with on my social network. Somehow my meddling aunt found out about my post on Facebook and tattled to my mother, telling her I “posted all over Facebook about being gay.” Either way it came down to my mother acting like I did this to hurt her. She turned my coming out into a painful event, rather than the happy event it should have been. She tried to con me into moving back in with her, claiming that the city had changed me. Then when she found out I wasn’t going to be coerced, she decided to cut me off. She told me she wouldn’t pay my insurance anymore and other expenses she knows I can’t afford. My mother tried to force me into being the person she wants me to be instead of being the person I am.
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Though times may get hard always remember that there are people that love you, have loved you, and that will love you for no reason other than the fact that you are one hundred percent, unabashedly, wholeheartedly you.
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Oddly enough I’m not bothered by her disowning me. I’m not as hurt as I thought I’d be. My mother, the woman that has been my best and only friend for about three years, turned her back on me, after using my trans status as an insult, and by some odd universal force I am not crushed. It’s surprising to the people around me that I handled my maternal disownment so well, but to me it doesn’t really come as much surprise. I’ve surrounded myself with people that practice tolerance, acceptance, and love, so when my mother showed her true colors I knew that my life would be alright without her. I realized that she wasn’t the person I thought she was and moved on. She walked out of my life, but I still have a strong support system of wonderful, beautiful people. The people that I’ve met in the year that I’ve lived in St. Charles have become closer, more accepting, and more dependable than the people I was given as biological family. Instead of being depressing I find this incredibly uplifting. People that barely know me love me. They don’t have to. There are no biological ties that bind us. They love me because they choose to. That’s beautiful to me.
When it comes down to it, coming out is one of the most frightening things some must deal with in their life time, but it’s worth it. After the initial feelings of depression, confusion, and the sense of being lost and alone, there comes a flood of feelings that can never be taken away from you. You realize that you can now live your life freely, openly, and honestly. You find out who your true friends and family are. Coming out redirects your life for the better by cutting out those that have no place in your story and by bringing those that truly love you closer to you. Coming out is hard, yes, and through it many lose much that they hold dear, but in the end it brings them closer to the light. Though times may get hard always remember that there are people that love you, have loved you, and that will love you for no reason other than the fact that you are one hundred percent, unabashedly, wholeheartedly you.
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Image credit: A. Pagliaricci ♦/flickr
Very proud of you, my darling. It takes courage to be this honest. Keep growing, learning, and working. Always here. <3
And this is why our chosen families are so important. The people we surround ourselves with matter so match. Glad you’ve found these people in your life.