My Marriage Had Gotten Angry

I should’ve left when my marriage became angry.

The minute my disposition changed. The minute I went from being someone who never raised her voice to someone who did. The minute I began to say the kind of ugly words even four walls shouldn’t hear.

I owe my children an apology.

They didn’t ask to be brought into this world, I brought them into it.

They needed me to protect their home.

Instead, I misguidedly spent years attempting to convince their father we both had that responsibility. He couldn’t hear me. It’s why after years of not raising my voice, I found an unwanted volume.

It’s why I used words I had never used.

I was trying to reach him.

But our children were in the crosshairs.

I may have been well-intentioned. I may have been like so many others like me. The people who think fighting for something you’ve already lost is worthy.

I’m a marketer.

I go into a business and identify why it’s not profitable.

My marriage wasn’t profitable.

Unlike business, it may have been emotional. But the tenants are still the same. It was broken, not unlike a corporate loss. I should’ve looked at it that way.

If you own a business with a partner you need them to show up.

If they don’t, you assume operations.

You become a sole proprietor.

If that individual isn’t contributing, if they are fighting you, if they are making it difficult to run the day to day operations…you have to make a decision.

How do I survive?

Does this business make it like this?

Do I abandon this person, or move forward alone?

The practicality of financial survival kicks in. You have to make a decision. You have no time for emotional drama. You have no time to waste time. It’s all or nothing.

If you linger in anger you will lose even more.

I wish I had thought of it that way.

I wish I had been pragmatic.

I wish I had said I have no time for this. I wish I had realized my partnership had evaporated. I wish I had realized I was on my own. I wish I hadn’t been emotional.

I wish I hadn’t given into prolonged anger.

I wish I hadn’t compromised that way.

I wish I had left, not long after my marriage became angry.

It was the warning I didn’t heed.

An angry marriage is a relationship that’s in the red. A happy marriage is a relationship that’s in the black. It’s that simple. One is unprofitable. The other is profitable.

One is a partnership.

The other is a sole proprietorship.

One is successful.

The other is bankrupt.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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