New Year’s Resolutions Are a Trap That We Should Stop Falling Into

I have been making New Year’s Resolutions for as long as I can remember. At the end of each year, I would make promises for the next. It was usually the same spiel… I want to be fitter, earn more money, be a better friend, a kinder daughter…

Even when the pandemic hit and I became unemployed, I still had new year’s resolutions written in my journal in colourful ink.

Here were my 2021 Resolutions:

Attend two sporting events
Exercise three times a week
Read five books a month
Buy a house
Earn X amount a month
Write two Medium articles a month

I only managed to achieve one of those and looking back at that list, I feel absolutely terrible at not having done more. After all, I was stuck at home all year, right? I should have had plenty of time!

Having that self-deprecating thought was a wake-up call. Why was I letting my already fragile self-esteem get a beating over an arbitrary list of goals I wrote a year ago?

Other than protecting your mental health, here’s why you should stop making New Year’s Resolutions (NYRs).

1. New Year’s Resolutions give you a false sense of control

Life is unexpected and messy. We rarely have any control over what happens next. 2020 is a great example of this (2021 as well for that matter).

I bet all of us had big plans heading into 2020. We wanted to travel and see the world, spend more time with our families, gain more life experience and become healthier, but the pandemic had other plans for us.

Feeling like you are in control is a powerful sensation. For a lot of people (myself included), feeling in control keeps us grounded and anxiety-free. On the other hand, feeling like we are spiralling out of control can do a real number on our mental stability.

When I penned my 2021 NYRs, I felt calm and grounded. But as the year unravelled, I felt like I was drowning trying to wade through the fluid situation and achieve my self-imposed goals at the same time. That’s not a feeling I’m eager to revisit.

2. New Year’s Resolutions are an unnecessary mental burden

We are told to aim big when we form goals. Get a promotion! Retire early! Become as fit as a CrossFit athlete! And that leads to those mean little voices and questions in our heads that most of us suffer from.

“Are you taking a break? Did you earn it? You’re so lazy!”

“Look at your gut! Shouldn’t you be working out more?”

“XYZ is moving into her new house today. Where’s yours then?”

I had all of the thoughts above several times this year and it is exhausting! Once we vocalise a goal and put it on paper, it will find a home in your mind. Even if it’s at the back of your mind, it’s there. This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, you’ll always be motivated. On the other hand, you’ll invariably find yourself beating yourself up for the slightest misstep.

Imagine a whole year of constantly reminding yourself you’re not good enough. Isn’t that exhausting?

3. New Year’s Resolutions hold you back

I firmly believe that if we want to change our behaviour or start something, we shouldn’t wait until a certain point or event to do it. Want to start eating better? Don’t order from the fast-food restaurant today. Want to be a better son or daughter? Pick up the phone today.

NYRs are usually made in December or even earlier. We tell ourselves “We’ll be better next year” and that holds us back from exacting change now! By the time next year comes, we are so paralysed by the expectations of being fitter, stronger, richer, better-looking, kinder, and overall more perfect that most of the time, we end up abandoning our goals until the next time we feel inspired and motivated. (Christmas, perhaps?)

4. New Year’s Resolutions restrict your growth

Societal pressures manipulate our NYRs. Our lists are filled with wants that are modelled after what we think our bodies and lives should look like.

Being healthy is definitely important, but “healthy” looks different for everyone. You don’t need abs of steel or arms the width of carrot sticks to be healthy, but sometimes it feels like media tells us otherwise.

The message we get from society is we need to earn more money to be happy, we need to have children and own a house by a certain age, we need to do this and do that, but do we really?

Building our NYRs list based on these limitations and expectations restricts our growth and potential. We willingly put ourselves into a box and year after year we conform, so much so that when there’s an opportunity to step out of the box, we don’t take it.

If done without introspection, NYRs can become a prison that we willingly put ourselves into.

Imagine a whole year of constantly reminding yourself you’re not good enough. Isn’t that exhausting?

For years I relied on New Year’s Resolutions to organise my life, and I am somebody who loves to be organised. The realisation that they don’t work for me has been creeping up for a while now, even before the pandemic hit.

I think the reason why I am so receptive to the wake-up call that strict NYRs are not for me is because a year of being mostly trapped at home has forced me to become more compassionate to myself. It also helps that I was insulated from societal pressures and social media, both by pandemic restrictions and personal choice.

Now that 2022 is wriggling closer and I break into my new planner, I’m going to omit my traditional “Resolutions” page. Instead, I will write myself a letter of my hopes for the new year and then forget about it until next Christmas.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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