Non-Physical Qualities That Will Make You More Attractive to a Man

We’d often sit in the galley with my colleagues and discuss relationships.

Some of these young, beautiful, and financially independent women were single, lonely, and anxious about their biological ticking clock.

Others were in relationships that had long lost their spark and couldn’t figure out how to re-ignite the flame. The rest had burned their fingers in the fire of bad marriages and were extra cautious not to repeat their mistakes.

There was this one question that always dominated the discussion, “What is it men want, really?”

You’ve heard that love is a Sisyphean affair, right? It’s true. Otherwise, how do you explain why there are so many single women? And many more trapped in relationships that are loveless?

And yet, on the other end of the spectrum, some women are attracting men and hitting it off like wildfire and blazing to the very end. I’m talking 30, 40 + years of blissful relationships.

It makes you wonder: How do they pull it off?

I’ll show you.

You see, not only have I had an entire decade to analyze mistakes from my previous marriage, but I’ve also studied other happily married couples — my parents included.

I’ve sifted through many relationship styles and have learned that although a man is attracted to many qualities, there are specific ones that stand out from the rest.

By developing the qualities a man wants the most, you make it highly likely that he’ll want to be with you.

1. Independence.

“Allowing a man to give, simply by leading the dance a bit — metaphorically and literally — isn’t something that comes easily to women who are self-sufficient and independent.”
― Melissa Drake.

I was raised by a strong mother who believed a woman should have her own money, so when I quit my job two years ago, she said, “You’re too young to stay in the house and do nothing.”

To her, doing nothing meant giving up my ambition and resigning to a life of dependency on my partner.

Although she didn’t know it at the time, my mother was basically reiterating the words of Dianerste Ross, “Work hard, become something in life, marriage isn’t a guarantee & realize that a man isn’t a financial breakthrough.”

Being an independent woman means being confident in your wisdom, capabilities, and talents. It means having a vision for your life and refusing to settle for a lesser role in life that what your potential dictates.

Independence makes you attractive, and a man lets his guard down because he knows you’re not in the relationship to exploit him.

Look, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a life that only involves cooking, cleaning, and raising babies. After all, our ancestors lived that way, right? But that was then. The world now is a far cry from what it was decades ago.

If you don’t keep up, you’ll miss the bus. Guaranteed.

Also, doesn’t it make you wonder what happens to all that education under your belt? What about the brains and potential God gave you? You see, our ancestors couldn’t do much because they didn’t have the luxury of knowledge.

What’s your excuse?

Let’s face it, life is tough, and the last thing a man wants is your weight on his back in addition to his. A man wants you to be his partner, not his child. Harsh, but true.

And yes, I know, at first, love can be a bit blinding, and he probably doesn’t mind taking care of you. After a while, though? The attraction starts to wane little by little, and before long, everything comes crumbling down.

But when you’re independent and committed to your own mission, you’re not appended to him, which is why he finds you attractive because you refuse to position yourself as inferior.

It’s this expression of self-worth that proves you can stand on your own feet and it pulls him in your life like a magnet.

2. Tenderness.

“I told you so!.” Can you feel the sting in those words? Can you feel how deep their cut is? And yet we use them on men so often.

In my relationship, I’m learning that not every mistake warrants attention. You don’t have to shed the spotlight on him every time he goes off track because guess what? We all glide into the world as flawed humans. You included.

Don’t get me wrong, no one’s asking you to tolerate bad deeds; I’m just saying there’s another way to encourage a man to improve. It works better, and he’ll admire you more.

Suppose you focused on the positives and then validated him based on that? Imagine how he’d be drawn to you if you learned to celebrate even the smallest of his wins?

This is what tenderness looks like, and it makes him attracted to you because he knows you can see him past his flaws and mistakes. Even the strongest of men have a part that craves tenderness.

“The bravest are the most tender.”
― Bayard Taylor

Tenderness also means listening. Not with the intent to respond, but listening in a naked way, without the veil of judgment. Truly paying attention to the words and emotions, he is projecting without putting in your two cents.

Allow him to open up freely, and he’ll be drawn to you. How can he not when you make him feel so safe, free, and validated?

Straight from birth, a man glides into a world that screams: You’ve got to be tough to be a real man. So what does he do? He picks his tools and begins fighting his way through life.

This is where you can come in. If you can be tender with him, and give him a place to lay his head, he’ll be insanely drawn to you. Why do you think Samson kept returning to Delilah? Exactly.

3. Fun.

A friend of mine has been in a relationship for over ten years now, and he recently told me the most fantastic element in his relationship comes down to the fun he has with his girlfriend. That’s what drew him to her in the first place.

And yet many women allow the complexities of life to dull their sense of fun and aliveness and then scratch their heads and wonder why men aren’t attracted to them. Really?

You’ll agree with me that nothing is more appealing like a woman who has her own sense of self. Whose interests, and hobbies don’t involve being with a man.

When you fuel yourself, it makes you a happy, fun-to-be-around human being. A man loves this. Learn to play. Laugh. Be goofy. Be silly. Whatever. Just don’t be dull and boring.

Akiroq Brost says it best:

“Reclaim your curiosity, your sense of adventure, and have some fun. Don’t take every moment of your life so seriously. Allow yourself to enjoy life.”

The cherry on top?

When you engage in fun activities outside your relationship, you’re giving your man space. Space is to a man what a massage is to a woman. It’s sacrosanct. Whether its video games, superhero movies, or his boys, this is how he connects with himself. Let him be.

When he returns to you, he’s replenished, lively and relaxed. Give him that, and he will cling to you.

Notice a theme here?

Although a slender waistline and a gorgeous face may draw a man toward you, it’s not everything to a man. But you already knew that.

Here’s the thing, though; you seem to think a man will want you when you conduct yourself in a certain way. So you play hard to get. You wait a day before returning his calls. You don’t accept his dinner dates straight away.

And yet, deep down, you’re just putting on a show. And where does that get you exactly? Nowhere.

The truth?

You can’t chase attractiveness. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. The secret is to work on your independence, tenderness, and never, ever, extinguish that little spark of fun in you. It’s everything.

Beyond this, attractiveness will ooze out of you, and men will be drawn to you. Isn’t that what you want?