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Not Afraid of a Question Mark, or a Period
By Mike Sager, Lee’s Summit, MO
From Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission. By Hogan Hilling and Al Watts.
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Answering my daughter’s many questions was not always easy. The more I did it, though, the easier it was. One day, she would have questions about gravity and the next day, she would ask about the difference between girls and boys. I made sure I was able to answer each and every question with equal enthusiasm. I never said, “Go ask your mother.” As the primary custodial parent, I sucked it up and made sure she knew I was the go-to-guy for anything she needed.
At age eight, when she developed breast buds, she came to me very worried. I assured her that even though it was a bit painful, it was perfectly natural. With her sitting beside me, I pulled up a couple of websites. I pointed out how many references there were for “painful knots under my nipples.” It was reassuring to her. This was not a disaster. This was perfectly natural.
I explained to her this was the beginning of puberty. I described all the things that were going to happen over the next few years. I reassured her I would answer any question; all she needed to do was ask.
I knew this day would come. I told myself I was ready. There would be lots of questions over the next few years, and I remembered how scary it had been for me.
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A couple of weeks later, she complained about a stomach ache. I went over the pain with her. Was it a sharp stabbing pain? Does it last a long time, or come then go away? Was it a throbbing pain that persists in the same spot? It could be anything from something she ate to a pulled muscle.
Of course, it could also have been puberty. I could have easily blown it off and waited to see if it went away, but what if it was cramps? Just to be sure, we talked about puberty again. I described all the things that would happen over the next few years. I suggested this could be, but might not be, related to her period and we would watch and see if it lasted. I went over what to do if her period happened while she was at school. I assured her it happened to every girl and the school nurse would know what to do. I was seriously hoping this was not the issue, but I wanted her to be prepared.
There were no more sharp pains over the next few months, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I asked her about it every once in a while. I did not make a big deal, just inquired. She was good with it.
About six months later, I got a call to her bedroom. Her underwear was halfway down, and she was pointing to a spot on her underwear. It was small, about the size of a dime. But it was undeniable what it was.
“What is that, Dad?”
Without hesitation, I sat beside her and gave her a big hug. “My little girl is becoming a young woman!” I said. She was smiling but still needed some more verification. “That is your first period,” I explained.
I went to the hall closet and came back with a pad. I then proceeded to demonstrate how to put it in her underwear. When I had the pad secured, I held open the underwear as if she would step into them, the way we had done thousands of times before.
She looked at me and said, “I can put on my own underwear, Dad.”
“Of course you can,” I said. She took them from me and climbed in on her own. I could not remember the last time I helped her put on her clothes, but it seemed like yesterday.
I showed her how small the package for the pad was, how easily she could carry it in a pocket of her backpack, perfect for “just in case” moments. We went over the importance of changing them regularly and marking the date on a calendar. She went over to the calendar on her wall. I was starting to say how we could make a code so we could track her periods, maybe a different color pen or a different symbol. I was trying to emphasize the importance of keeping track without embarrassing her. She already had it figured out. She put a big red “P” with a circle around it.
Then I said, “Or we could just use a big red ‘P’ on the calendar. That works too.”
I hugged her again and said, “I think we should go out and celebrate. Do you want to get some ice cream after dance practice?” She was all smiles now and enthusiastic for the celebration.
“Mom is going to be so surprised when she finds out,” she said. “She is going to, like, see my underwear on the floor with a pad in it and be like, ‘My little girl is grown up!’”
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And there it was, the culmination of my efforts. Most of a decade spent as the primary caregiver, mentor, and confidant. I had worried about this moment, I had dreaded this moment, but I had also looked forward to it, and planned for it.
Not only did she come to me at this special moment, but evidently her mother was not even going to know about it until she found out by accident. I was proud that I, her dad, was her secret feminine confidante.
“Two more things,” I added. “First, why don’t we call your mom and tell her the big news? Then we can discuss the proper way to dispose of pads so they never, ever, under any circumstances, show up on the floor.”
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Mike Sager is a stay-at-home dad to one daughter and expecting a new baby boy. He has an MBA, is an active Civil War re-enactor, Girl Scout leader, storyteller, game designer, former CEO, and a damn fine cook. He sits on the board of directors of several charities and is known to put on beer, whiskey, and wine tastings to raise money for his favorite causes.
Hogan Hilling is a nationally recognized and OPRAH approved author of 12 published books. Hilling has appeared on Oprah. He is the creator of the DADLY book series and the “#WeLoveDads” and “#WeLoveMoms” Campaigns, which he will launch in early 2018. He is also the owner of Dad Marketing https://dadmarketingconsulting.wordpress.com/, a first of its kind consultation firm on how to market to dads. He is also the founder of United We Parent, www.unitedweparent.com. Hilling is also the author of the DADLY book series and first of its kind books. The first book is about marketing to dads “DADLY Dollar$” and two coffee table books that feature dads and moms. “DADLY Dads: Parents of the 21st Century” and “Amazing Moms: Parents of the 21st Century.” Hilling is the father of three children and lives in southern California.
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Originally published in Dads Behaving DADLY: 67 Truths, Tears, and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood Copyright © 2014 Motivational Press. Reprinted with permission.
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