“I was recently reminded of how much I just want to be wanted…” started one man on r/adultery.
Intrigued, I read on.
“Now, I am the kind of neglected married man who is overall kinda happy with things, but all my emotional and intimate needs are not met. Not even close. I just want to be wanted.”
Oh, I get this. This is the unending refrain of my life, too, dude.
He’s looking like I was.
Et voilá!
“The messages get so hot and heavy. Firing on all pistons. Pictures fly back and forth. Godforsaken filth, debauchery that would horrify Nana.”
Dying at the Nana reference.
“The very thought that this woman exists, that she WANTS you, that you’ve made plans to meet, is beyond distracting.”
“….who then ghosts me. We made plans to meet, and then when it came time, nothing.”
Been there, done that, and got the special booby prizes.
“Here, at the intersecting layers of rare opportunities, married but dating difficulties, and desire…”
I hear you, man.
“It’s a special kind of sting, to be so unwanted, given everything else.”
Yep.
I wish being desired wasn’t so damn crucial to my well-being. It’s not the frosting on an already delicious cake. IT’S THE CAKE, ITSELF. I need validation — perhaps from poor self-esteem (ding a ling!).
Who else needs the validation?
I would guess most of us.
We all just want to be wanted.
And some of us are willing to lie and cheat to get what we need. No judgment. It’s not rocket science, people. I understand fully. I did it for umpteen years.
Now, one Redditor took a sharp detour with this comment, “Maybe if your energy wasn’t so ‘woe is me,’ you’d be able to keep a woman interested. You sound like you’re full of yourself. I couldn’t get past the first few sentences without thinking how you’re so into yourself and coming off as clever and quirky that you’ve forgotten that you’re not just talking to yourself. That there’s a different human on the other side of the chat.”
Hmmm. Well, she sounds like the life of the party.
Bitter much?
I didn’t get that impression from his post, but I also give people some room because it’s damn hard to write something coherent and evocative of their feelings. You try it. It’s not so easy.
“Based off your long-winded post, I’m guessing you’re a lot of work. I can see how ghosting may be the only option for this woman,” she added.
Whew. Lady. That’s rough.
She actually ended it with “Godspeed.” The level of irony there makes me chuckle.
“I am neither equipped no compassioned to assist you in therapizing your bitterness,” he responded.
Well, that’s the end of the thread and the post. Most of us need compassion and that’s in short supply on r/adultery. We hurt others and ourselves. The cycle continues. Very few of us break free of the endless heartache of our own pain.
Who else gets this?
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Previously Published on Medium
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